Crushes. We all have them. I remember being a little kid in elementary school and everyone gave out little notes to their crushes and would hold hands. Friends would converse about who they were crushing on and so on.
I always hated getting crushes. I am a very loving and heartft person and I fall hard sometimes so it never really leaves me feeling good. I always felt I experienced the true mean of crushing. In elementary school I crushed on three girls, shockingly, but nothing serious. It was more forced upon if anything, but all they ended up being was crushes and left me feeling crushed. They all knew, of course that's how it works when you're young, and none of them reciprocated my feelings so I was left crushless.
The next time I really crushed on another peer was in my freshman year. I was just figuring out that I was gay, and at the time I was out to very little of my friends and hardly myself, but as a bisexual. In my first semester I crushed in this straight cub in my last block class. Like I said, I crush hard so I thought about this kid night and day and all through the day. I would day dream about how the perfect relationship between the two of us would be like and the amazing times we would have.
I usually have this experience with all of the guys I crush on. I gas it up in my head and fill my head up with all these fantasies getting myself more attached even though I know it isn't going to happen. Then, of course, leads to my soft-hearted ass left hurt. It never manages to fail. But I can't help it, never being in a real loving relationship, I can't help but fantasize about it.
And that's why I hate having a crush on a guy. It ALWAYS turns out to be on some guy I can't be with because of some circumstance. The guy I crushed on freshman year, both of them, both straight. Crushed on one of my closest friends my sophomore year, straight and a good friend. And lastly, which I always seem to get, crushes on teachers.
I have two teachers this semester who just so happen to really fit the "bear" persona and I can't help it as a gay cub to be attracted to it. My chemistry teacher is short, white, short brown hair, brown beard, really cute blue eyes, and a big belly. I have the biggest crush on him just because of his bear persona! It also doesn't help that he's funny and kind too. I can't help but watch his small little round body girate across the classroom and hope for the occasion where he wears a small shirt and lifts up his arms and I can sneak a peak at his belly.
Another teacher is my photography teacher. He's a cute young cub with a big belly, short dirty blonde beard and hair, nice green eyes, short stocky stature, and a soft voice. Sadly, he doesn't wear shirts that are never tucked in so I doubt I'll get to sneak a peak at his belly or his back.
But with all these crushes comes the unrealistic fantasies that will never happen and only leave me feeling lonely. And with that, it makes it a little awkward to be around them because they don't see me in the same view and I can only focus on their cuteness. Which is why I hate crushes. They only remind me of how lonely I am and how I yearn for affection.
That's all for tonight, thanks for reading. Hope everyone enjoyed their day without a big struggle from society.
~Be Breezy!~
