Woah, who's this guy?! I know, I have been on an incredible hiatus lately, a lot bigger than I had intended. I find it a bit funny that my reasoning is always that life has taken me away and I just never find the time to write, and yet, it is absolutely my reasoning! You would think after me quitting one of my jobs that I would have a bit more time, but I certainly don't! I work literally almost 40 hours a week and when I'm not there, I'm in class, and when I'm not there, I'm cleaning the apartment. The little bit of time I actually have to myself is generally on the bus when I just want to dive into the Harry Potter books.
Anywho, life in the apartment has been GREAT! It is literally the best thing I have ever done. I couldn't be happier. My life appears in this new light, a light called freedom and responsibility. In this light, I do whatever it is I deem beneficial to my life with my boyfriend, my job, and in pursuit of my career. I make all my choices and I don't have to refer to anyone else.
The best part is, no part of my move was detrimental to my relationship with my parents, at least not too much. My mom has come over and seen the entire apartment and even complimented on it! The parts that I was the most afraid of showing her were the parts that she seemed to have loved the most! I was petrified of showing her the bedroom, which holds two intimate pictures of me and Kyle and a Mr. And Mr. Sign, and the bathroom that holds two small his and his towels. She loved it all.
My dad has yet to see the apartment, but according to my mom, he couldn't be more proud of me. She told me that he brags to everyone that I live on my own and how I afford it all with one job and I'm going to school. Every Sunday when we go to my parents house to watch whatever series me and my brothers are watching, I go to talk to my dad and he still talks to me, which is a plus, but beyond that, he seems the same.
Now that I have brought everyone up to speed, it is time to talk about the real topic. That's right everyone, I'm talking about the real scoop! The official trash. The bad mother SHUT YOUR MOUTH! Grab your cups of hot chocolate, take a swig, and let's discuss.
I work in a grocery store in the produce department. This place was even my first job. I have worked at this store since I was sixteen as a bag boy and have worked my way up since. I had gone from being a young bag boy, to being a cashier, to having worked with my managers, to now being in produce. Obviously, I like my job. I've been there for two years! I don't like working in certain parts of the store, but overall, it was a good first job and is a good place for me to hang out until I can work in my field.
The best part about my job are my coworkers. I get along with almost all of them and they all love me. They all know, for the most part, about me being gay and they're all cool with it. They've known me since I was just starting out and have seen me mature ever since. They love my work ethic and especially my ability to have fun at work. I'm always joking and always smiling. The customers love it, my coworkers love it, and it makes me smile to see such a smile on their faces.
Now that I work in a different department, I have more responsibilities and different coworkers. I still love them all the same, in fact, we're almost like a bit of a family. There's not many of us and we're not that close, but we work together pretty well and we get the job done. We know not to take each other seriously, we're a department filled with guys, NOTHING is ever too serious. Unless something gets messed up and puts us behind, then shit gets real. However, we all know what gets each other tick and sometimes we push on those buttons, but at the end of the day, we all have the same goal.
Me and my manager have a good relationship as well. I'm pretty sure I'm his third favorite part timer. There's this older gentleman who's been there for a long time, another guy who had been there longer than any other part timer other than the older gentleman, and then me. I've only been there about 5 months, so that's about what I expect.
As I've said, everyone at my job knows that I'm gay, including him. Just to get this out there, he is in no way homophobic. He and a lot of my other new coworkers know that I'm gay and none of them give a shit. They hadn't done much more than a quick flinch when I slid it into conversation, but nothing more than that.
Today, I was joking with him and he always jumps to either gay jokes or black jokes, which I don't mind. I actually find them pretty hilarious if they're well thought out. Anyways, he made a joke to which me and another coworker laughed at and then my assistant store manager came over, which I couldn't care less. My assistant store manager is no more intimidating than my other coworkers, and he knows I'm gay as well.
The three of us just started joking around and bullshitting when my manager asked me about working tomorrow. I told him I could only work in the morning because I had already made plans with my partner. Quickly, he stopped and focused the conversation on the fact that I said "partner". He had done this once before but not as big as he did this time.
Just like he did once before, he asked me why I refer to my boyfriend as my partner and if my boyfriend appreciated the fact that I referred to him that way and if he refers to me that way. In the spur of the moment, I just joked with him and played it off as I did with anything that he said. I guess my assistant store manager felt a bit awkward cause he glanced at me and walked away chuckling. This moment ended with my manager giving a very nervous laugh meaning it was funny that my assistant store manager reacted that way even though it shouldn't have been brought up that way, but letting me know he was just joking and sorry if he annoyed me.
I hadn't really been annoyed with him, he just made me think. It was definetly something I had thought about before. This was the second time he said this. Why did he ask? Why does he care? He doesn't care, but why would he pick on that? The main important thing was, he was right.
Why did I refer to Kyle that way? Why does Kyle do it? Why do most gay guys do this? Was it just me? Does it mean anything? I certainly didn't like referring to him that way. So why did I do it? I wouldn't do it if I were talking to any of my other coworkers that I'm friends with.
It makes me wonder if it has anything to do with the fact that they were my managers? Maybe it's just a part of a professional front that I put on when around them? The only problem with that is I'm always talking to them as if they were just my friends; it's just how our relationships are.
Maybe it could be a defense mechanism. Just like in the way that I usually tell people I'm gay by just inconspicuously sliding it into conversation. I always kind of avoid just having to bluntly say "I'm gay" by usually using the word "partner" or something like that. It usually breaks the initial reaction of wanting to pause and focus on the fact that I just said I'm gay because it kind of explains that it isn't a big deal, nor is it something that we need to focus on.
By using the word "partner," I avoid directly and bluntly outing myself by saying boyfriend. When I say boyfriend, I feel like everyone automatically think of me having sex with another guy and/or they immediately think less or something of me and that's not what I want. I don't want anyone getting that thought that now there is this barrier between us that makes us different.
But is that right? Is that fair to Kyle? More so, is that fair to me? Is it fair that I don't acknowledge Kyle with as big a name as boyfriend. Is it fair that after all the fighting and arguing that I jump back into hiding mechanisms because I was too afraid to just come out and say that I'm dating another guy that I refer to as my boyfriend? No, it is not.
I think I would even be a little offended if Kyle referred to me as his "partner" rather than his boyfriend. In certain circumstances I understand, like in the case of the elderly where you just don't want to have the argument. However, when it's in everyday normal situations, we deserve to be as open as we want to. Straight couples don't refer to each other as their partner, so why should we?
Saying "boyfriend" does not make me somehow less professional. If anything, it should make me feel empowered. To be able to take over conversation and not show any fear, or to show that I can be me and have a boyfriend. If anyone has a problem with it, they don't have to talk to me.
I should thank my manager for bringing this to the light for me, but I don't want to give him that much credit. Let me know what you all think, should saying partner matter? What is the difference in meaning between the two?
Thanks for reading everyone. Please remember to enjoy what you have and appreciate it. Don't take what you have for granted.
~Be Breezy ~
