Love Not Lust?

Okay, so this whole morning, I have been indulging myself in videos and other blogs based on open relationships. (Okay, maybe some porn surfing on tumblr, too) This idea has been floating around in my head ever since I broke up with my first boyfriend, I believe. I don't even think I was fully aware of it up until that point, which shocks me because I've seen the BearCity movies about a hundred times and it features open relationships and polyamorous relationships. For the sake of my own sanity and for not offending anyone, I think I am going to split my post on this. Originally, I thought this post was going to include the ideals of monogamy, open relationships, and polyamory, but somehow it just does not feel right anymore. I guess down this path of unwinding thoughts and bottled up feelings, I will figure out my answer. Sit up straight class, and pay attention! Professor Parsley's class is in session. (I can't wait for that to be a reality!)

Ever since I have broken up with my first boyfriend, I feel like my world has expanded three times over. This baffles me. I used to think I was extremely well versed and I guess understood the workings of most things, when in fact I remained ignorant. I knew of a lot of things, but I never really knew to what extent they functioned or even how they functioned or even moreso, what they actually mean.

In my research, online and in person, I've learned that quite a few people indulge in open relationships. This passed summer, I started working at a gay resort called Rainbow Mountain, and this was the best experience I've ever had. Granted, there were definitely some times that made me want to blow the place up, but overall a good experience and I couldn't imagine where my head would be if I hadn't started working there. I don't think I would be as developed or far along as I would have been if I hadn't worked there. I say that because this was the first time I have ever been fully surrounded by other gay people on a constant basis and it had definitely taught me things. It was also a huge confidence booster, but mainly taught me things.

I think in my time there, I have seen more open relationships than I have seen closed. I was constantly being introduced to couples, obviously more couples than singles, and I would come to the realization that they were open due to their tendencies inside and out of the main building where I checked them in. For every one closed relationship I met, I probably met three or four open relationships. Even now, this still astounds me. I think what I question most of all, is why that still astounds me and what does this mean for me.

Obviously, the main reason as to why it astounds me is because I was raised with a different ideal, as I'm sure everyone else was, too. However, it goes beyond that for me. When I was first coming to accept my homosexuality, I would watch gay weddings, marriage proposals, and a channel called Gay Family Values where I would watch a family with two fathers raise their children and tackle topics of everyday life. In all of these videos, nothing led me to believe that anything else was possible, which was very ignorant and naive of me to think. In those videos, I think I pushed myself to see myself in those representations of gay people. Marrying one man, having kids, a pup(dog), and living happily ever after. In those videos, I never saw anything else possible, which at the time, I was okay with. I think I knew, for the most part, that ultimately this was what I wanted.

In those videos, the idea of open relationships were never brought up. In that same instance, looking back I think they were almost frowned upon. But now, it makes me wonder if that were entirely true. All of those videos focused on being "proper" gays and setting a representation for gay people and standing up for rights. They were always talking about what we all ultimately wanted and that was equality and the ability to love without fear. That being said, why would I believe that they were in open relationships or that they could even exist?

Now I know that that isn't entirely true. Not all gay people want the same thing. Just as straight people don't. Not every women wants to get married and have kids. Some people are perfectly content with being single, or having a relationship and a puppy. Point is, we are all different and we all have different levels of satisfaction. And that is okay.

As for why it still may astound me? I don't exactly know. I think because I still hold onto those ideals from when I was younger. Part of me has more hope to see a relationship that stands strong in monogamy. Not to mean that other couples that are open aren't strong, but to stand out amongst the crowd in my belief makes you strong. When I see these cute couples, even though part of me wants to play with them, the other part wants to just hang with them and watch their love grow together. I think I saw that for the first time a couple of weeks ago.

On New Years Eve, there was a big Rainbow Mountain dinner. The restaurant was insane. The front desk (where I work) was even crazier. Aside from all the madness, there was an older couple who checked in and we're SUPER nice; their clothes even matched! After they sat for dinner, the one gentleman walks out of the restaurant in such distress and turns to me for conversation. In the midst of me being busy, I caught his distress and attempted to comfort him. He tells me that he is ready to propose to his boyfriend. At this moment, every bit of stress left me and I just gave him a big teary eyed hug. At this moment, not only was I happy for this man and his boyfriend, but I developed such a hope that that could be me one day. Proposing to one man and us tackling life together. And only together. Like I said, after all of the open relationships I had seen, this shocked me.

What does this mean for me? It may complicate things in a sense. Or it might simplify them. This means clarifying what exactly I want to do in a relationship. It means that I may have to be prepared to have that conversation someday. In some ways, this is good. Having an open relationship does open the door to further conversations. I believe that the only way for open relationships, among all other ones, only prosper due to healthy conversations. I would hope that a lot more of these couples have a healthy channel of communication. One that does not seem healthy is the "don't ask don't tell" method.

I could never see that format working for me. I would want to know who my partner is playing with and that he's being safe about it. I know two couples that follow this method, and it astounds me that they're still together. One seems to bash his partner for being "prudish" so he won't tell him things. In the other, one partner had contracted HIV, didn't tell his partner (or possibly didn't know) had sex with his partner, and he contracted it. The partner whom I knew (whom contracted it second) believed he contracted it from his husband. Again, absolutely astounds me.

I would never like to be in a relationship like these. Granted, they are still together and they work, but I would want to be open with my partner. If he didn't want to do it or I didn't, I would expect the other to accept that and not bash the other. If we were open, I would expect us to lay down ground rules and be open about what's happened. That's what this would mean for me.

Being in a relationship is difficult sometimes. I could never describe it as work. It is more of an art that you must provide constant attention to and practice. Being in an open relationship could be even more difficult because more conversations and adjustments must be had. For me, I don't know if I could be in an open relationship. It takes the right guy I guess.

Talking Professional

Woah, who's this guy?! I know, I have been on an incredible hiatus lately, a lot bigger than I had intended. I find it a bit funny that my reasoning is always that life has taken me away and I just never find the time to write, and yet, it is absolutely my reasoning! You would think after me quitting one of my jobs that I would have a bit more time, but I certainly don't! I work literally almost 40 hours a week and when I'm not there, I'm in class, and when I'm not there, I'm cleaning the apartment. The little bit of time I actually have to myself is generally on the bus when I just want to dive into the Harry Potter books.

Anywho, life in the apartment has been GREAT! It is literally the best thing I have ever done. I couldn't be happier. My life appears in this new light, a light called freedom and responsibility. In this light, I do whatever it is I deem beneficial to my life with my boyfriend, my job, and in pursuit of my career. I make all my choices and I don't have to refer to anyone else.

The best part is, no part of my move was detrimental to my relationship with my parents, at least not too much. My mom has come over and seen the entire apartment and even complimented on it! The parts that I was the most afraid of showing her were the parts that she seemed to have loved the most! I was petrified of showing her the bedroom, which holds two intimate pictures of me and Kyle and a Mr. And Mr. Sign, and the bathroom that holds two small his and his towels. She loved it all.

My dad has yet to see the apartment,  but according to my mom, he couldn't be more proud of me. She told me that he brags to everyone that I live on my own and how I afford it all with one job and I'm going to school. Every Sunday when we go to my parents house to watch whatever series me and my brothers are watching, I go to talk to my dad and he still talks to me, which is a plus, but beyond that, he seems the same.

Now that I have brought everyone up to speed, it is time to talk about the real topic. That's right everyone, I'm talking about the real scoop! The official trash. The bad mother SHUT YOUR MOUTH! Grab your cups of hot chocolate, take a swig, and let's discuss.

I work in a grocery store in the produce department. This place was even my first job. I have worked at this store since I was sixteen as a bag boy and have worked my way up since. I had gone from being a young bag boy, to being a cashier, to having worked with my managers, to now being in produce. Obviously, I like my job. I've been there for two years! I don't like working in certain parts of the store, but overall, it was a good first job and is a good place for me to hang out until I can work in my field.

The best part about my job are my coworkers. I get along with almost all of them and they all love me. They all know, for the most part, about me being gay and they're all cool with it. They've known me since I was just starting out and have seen me mature ever since. They love my work ethic and especially my ability to have fun at work. I'm always joking and always smiling. The customers love it, my coworkers love it, and it makes me smile to see such a smile on their faces.

Now that I work in a different department, I have more responsibilities and different coworkers. I still love them all the same, in fact, we're almost like a bit of a family. There's not many of us and we're not that close, but we work together pretty well and we get the job done. We know not to take each other seriously, we're a department filled with guys, NOTHING is ever too serious. Unless something gets messed up and puts us behind, then shit gets real. However, we all know what gets each other tick and sometimes we push on those buttons, but at the end of the day, we all have the same goal.

Me and my manager have a good relationship as well. I'm pretty sure I'm his third favorite part timer. There's this older gentleman who's been there for a long time, another guy who had been there longer than any other part timer other than the older gentleman, and then me. I've only been there about 5 months, so that's about what I expect.

As I've said, everyone at my job knows that I'm gay, including him. Just to get this out there, he is in no way homophobic. He and a lot of my other new coworkers know that I'm gay and none of them give a shit. They hadn't done much more than a quick flinch when I slid it into conversation, but nothing more than that.

Today, I was joking with him and he always jumps to either gay jokes or black jokes, which I don't mind. I actually find them pretty hilarious if they're well thought out. Anyways, he made a joke to which me and another coworker laughed at and then my assistant store manager came over, which I couldn't care less. My assistant store manager is no more intimidating than my other coworkers, and he knows I'm gay as well.

The three of us just started joking around and bullshitting when my manager asked me about working tomorrow. I told him I could only work in the morning because I had already made plans with my partner. Quickly, he stopped and focused the conversation on the fact that I said "partner". He had done this once before but not as big as he did this time.

Just like he did once before, he asked me why I refer to my boyfriend as my partner and if my boyfriend appreciated the fact that I referred to him that way and if he refers to me that way. In the spur of the moment, I just joked with him and played it off as I did with anything that he said. I guess my assistant store manager felt a bit awkward cause he glanced at me and walked away chuckling. This moment ended with my manager giving a very nervous laugh meaning it was funny that my assistant store manager reacted that way even though it shouldn't have been brought up that way, but letting me know he was just joking and sorry if he annoyed me.

I hadn't really been annoyed with him, he just made me think. It was definetly something I had thought about before. This was the second time he said this. Why did he ask? Why does he care? He doesn't care, but why would he pick on that? The main important thing was, he was right.

Why did I refer to Kyle that way? Why does Kyle do it? Why do most gay guys do this? Was it just me? Does it mean anything? I certainly didn't like referring to him that way. So why did I do it? I wouldn't do it if I were talking to any of my other coworkers that I'm friends with.

It makes me wonder if it has anything to do with the fact that they were my managers? Maybe it's just a part of a professional front that I put on when around them? The only problem with that is I'm always talking to them as if they were just my friends; it's just how our relationships are.

Maybe it could be a defense mechanism. Just like in the way that I usually tell people I'm gay by just inconspicuously sliding it into conversation. I always kind of avoid just having to bluntly say "I'm gay" by usually using the word "partner" or something like that. It usually breaks the initial reaction of wanting to pause and focus on the fact that I just said I'm gay because it kind of explains that it isn't a big deal, nor is it something that we need to focus on.

By using the word "partner," I avoid directly and bluntly outing myself by saying boyfriend. When I say boyfriend, I feel like everyone automatically think of me having sex with another guy and/or they immediately think less or something of me and that's not what I want. I don't want anyone getting that thought that now there is this barrier between us that makes us different.

But is that right? Is that fair to Kyle? More so, is that fair to me? Is it fair that I don't acknowledge Kyle with as big a name as boyfriend. Is it fair that after all the fighting and arguing that I jump back into hiding mechanisms because I was too afraid to just come out and say that I'm dating another guy that I refer to as my boyfriend? No, it is not.

I think I would even be a little offended if Kyle referred to me as his "partner" rather than his boyfriend. In certain circumstances I understand, like in the case of the elderly where you just don't want to have the argument. However, when it's in everyday normal situations, we deserve to be as open as we want to. Straight couples don't refer to each other as their partner, so why should we?

Saying "boyfriend" does not make me somehow less professional.  If anything, it should make me feel empowered. To be able to take over conversation and not show any fear, or to show that I can be me and have a boyfriend. If anyone has a problem with it, they don't have to talk to me.

I should thank my manager for bringing this to the light for me, but I don't want to give him that much credit. Let me know what you all think, should saying partner matter? What is the difference in meaning between the two?

Thanks for reading everyone. Please remember to enjoy what you have and appreciate it. Don't take what you have for granted.

~Be Breezy ~

Going Away...

I'm sorry guys, I'm going to go away for a while. I just have too much on my plate, too much to handle, and too much going on. I'm sorry to leave you guys like this, but.. umm.. JUST KIDDING! I would never! At least not for a while... Take a seat and listen to what this bear cub has to tell society!

Now, I'm not virtually going away, but I am physically. Whilst picking out colleges, I made sure the colleges in my decisions were away from home... Far away. So why am I telling you this? What does this have to do about being gay? Well my little fags and hags, this is also just a rough draft to what I might write into my essay for another college, but also to collect my ideas as to why I want to leave, and being gay has a lot to do with it...

So the schools I mainly wanted to go to were West Virginia University, Boston University, and North Carolina State University. All equally as far away from home. Why so far? I needed to find myself. I needed to explore and see what was out there in the world and see that I can handle it on my own. It gives me the chance to be independent. It gives me the opportunity to make every decision on my own and without anyone's supervision. It gives me leeway to grow up.

My brother started college close to home. He goes to college one exit away from us, therefore, he also stays home. This keeps him under my parent's watch and under their thumbs. While staying home for college, he doesn't get the same opportunities as I will. He won't get to explore much, he's lived here for the past 11 years! He won't get the chance to make executive decisions for himself because he'll have to pass through the whole, "you love under my roof, so you'll have to follow my rules!" Statement, which just ruins everything. He can't do much without our parents breathing down his neck.

But if I go away, if I wanted to try something, I could do it. If I wanted to stay out late, I could do it. If I wanted to sleep over a friend's house or even have a boy over, I could do that. If I wanted to explore the town at all hours of the night, I could do that! And if I want to pierce my ear, I could do that too! And who would I have to go through? No one. I'll be my own parent. Making decisions for myself.

Now comes the real reason.. I must go away to find myself. Finding yourself as a person is the hardest thing for anyone to do and it sometimes it takes people more than four years of college to figure out who they are. But the only way you'll find who you are as a person, is to go out and experience things. You'll never find out that you like skydiving of you stay at home listening to mommy and daddy tell you thats too dangerous. And never mind that, you'll never know you like skydiving if you don't go somewhere to try it!!!

College is more than just learning about what you want to do for the rest of your life. It's about finding what's best for you on your own. Your parents will want you to be the best that you can be, but what if their opinion of the best, isn't what you want? Then you have to break away from them and find out what is the best. And that's what I'll have to do.

My parents think they know everything, but they don't. They are ignorant. I hate to say it, but It's true. I can't be me or make experiences out of that. I have to find my own answers to everything and break down my own ignorances, which I can only do by going out and seeking out everything that I need to shape me as a better person.

Along with finding myself comes being gay. I can find a community who will accept me. I won't have to worry about my parents meeting this person or how they feel about this guy, because they won't have a say. I can go make friends who understand my feelings and can talk me through them. Make brocubs and bromances. I can go to the bear events and make friends and have the possy of gays that I've always wanted. I could meet and date great guys or girls and not worry about who sees me.

I can completely recreate myself. I can kiss a girl without contradiction. I could eat cheese without everyone questioning. I could wear bunches of colors and wonder if that is still me. I'll be in a completely different crowd and different world that doesn't know Kaseem Parsley, and I'll have to show them who I am according to my own independent choices that I'll make.

My parents seem to be the main reason I need to get away. That and the area. I just need somewhere to explore and not be questioned about the things that I do while exploring. I don't need to have someone telling me what I can and can't do and what is and isn't right. And I don't need repetition and familiar views. I need spontaneity and variety. I need freedom and understanding. I need to go away.

So now that I've written this out, I still don't really know if I might write this for my essay. I'll read it to a couple people and see what they think. Thanks for listening and reading. Feel free to comment your college experiences and what you did and didn't like about going away to college. This cub is going to relax for the rest of the day away from school and work and and hope tomorrow isn't too bad. Everyone have a good night and explore something!

~Be Breezy!~

The Public's Right To Know

Hey everyone! Sorry I haven't posted in a while, been super busy. But I have been thinking about what to write and what to say. So I haven't left everyone completely hanging. So here is today's post!

Back in my sophomore year in high school, I was in a GSA. In this group, we were making a project and teacher's names were thrown around to help us. I might have asked if there were any gay teachers, but one of the guidance counselors came up. The advisor of our club admitted to us that he was gay. I couldn't believe it, I was truelly astonished. But I couldn't believe it. I still had some misconceptions and stereotypes about being gay that I held with me and couldn't match any with him.

Later on that year, I heard rumors going around that he really was gay. I still couldn't believe it. So I asked him if he was married, which he replied, no I am not married. So again, I stood there in astonishment.

Once I had actually considered in my head that he was gay, I thought so much more of him. Not in a sexual way, but in a fascinated way. I wanted to know so much about him and his story, but I knew he wouldn't talk about it. At that point, I had been left with the idea of him being gay and never a sure answer. So I kind of forgot about it, but everytime I seen him since that year, it always crossed my mind.

I was at a point in my life where I felt like I needed a feeling of understanding, but I couldn't find the type of understanding I wanted from kids, I needed it from people of experience. I wanted to hear those coming out stories that I had watched all night sometimes in person. I wanted to hear that it was going to be ok from someone who actually knew. Someone who had been through it. Someone who knew exactly what I needed.

So a couple of weeks ago, a friend and I were hanging out after school and he came up. My friends said she had seen him with his boyfriend at a restaurant and they were holding hands. At this point I was pissed. Why? Because maybe a couple days before that, I told him about me.

I was in the office just killing time and hanging out as I normally do, and he happened to have had free time which he spent talking to me. Now, this man is not my guidance counselor. I had only known him because he introduced himself to me freshman year to tell me how phenomibal I was as a person. But anyways, we were just talking about our summers and what we did and just random conversation. After a bit of rambling, I brought up how I was planning to move out and why. Like I said, I came out to him, but in more words than it could have been said in. I didn't come straight out with it, I insinuated it; but any person with a brain could figure out what the hell I was talking about!

So when my friend had told me that he was gay, I was a little angry. I had pretty much laid my entire situation out to him and he couldn't tell me anything. I understand coming out is a hard process and a personal one, but if you know what that process is like, why wouldn't you try and help another coming out soul?

Only one part of me is a little peeved. The other part of me understands. If he is gay, maybe he isn't in a place where he feels he could come out and help anyone. But at the same time, I feel like if you're gay, you have a responsibility to help gay youth understand themselves or help guide them, or if you are in the same place, at least let each other know that you are not alone.

For years I had been looking for someone to relate to. Someone who had been in my position and could just give me a hug and let me know everything was going to be alright. All the weird conversations and weird feelings, they won't be there anymore. Even if they do happen to appear, they won't hurt as much because they aren't as strong as they used to be. That love was going to be knocking on my door. That my family wouldn't leave or react to badly. That I would meet many people like me that I could connect me.

This is an argument a lot of gay people have towards celebrities. One of whom was Anderson Cooper. Everyone knew for years that he was gay, but didn't have assurance and therefore, a lot of stereotypes hadn't been broken. A lot of those years, there were fights and campaigns he could've been helping fight and push, but didn't. It almost made it seem like he was ashamed of being gay. Him and all the other gay celebrities like Jodie Foster and Jane Lynch. Is that the message that you really want to send to gay youth? That your job is more important than who you are and what you stand for? That you should have to hide who you are because your job place isn't accepting of it? Yes, you will have to give some things up for work, but in a public position, you should want to help. Your coming out could stop that child who had been pushed to his last nerve and ready to jump realize that he is not alone. You could give that kid who felt like he couldn't make it as a reporter or a basketball player or a football player so he decided to give up on everything, the hope that he had been looking for.

Me, being who I am, decided to come out sophomore year. Not only because I was tired of hiding and wanted to find someone, but also to help tear down some of these misconceptions and stereotypes about being gay that everyone thought was true. I am gay and black. A lot of people expected me to be feminine, dress in women's clothing, wear make up, etc. But since I came out, a lot of people who thought that had their view broadened. Why wouldn't anyone want to help with that? It's not hard. All you have to do is speak up.

All I had to was admit who I was to people and then be myself. That's all you have to do sometimes. Sometimes, It's just giving a hug to help people. In this case, all you had to do was be honest. I asked him in the hallway one day in passing, but didn't come straight out with it and he told me he wasn't, but he knew people that were.

I felt horrible because if he wasn't, then I had been having all these mean thoughts and stuff about him for no reason and he had been doing exactly what I wanted, to be honest. But if he was lying, I feel bad because I made him worry about if he was doing a good job of hiding. I wanted to apologize, but I couldn't get up the courage.. I might have pushed his coming out further back than what it wad going to be. All because I was being selfish.

I had wanted help on who I was and wanted someone to relate to me, but I was so frustrated that I hadn't considered the fact that he was in the closet. I know what that's like, to try and fit in, but being seen right through as if you were a diary being hidden behind a window. To try and be something you're not and have it knocked right down.

But I still think in that circumstance, he could have admitted it because I had already admitted it to him that I was gay, so I could've related to him too. But what do you think? Should a person in the public eye have a responsibility to come out? Why and why not? I'd really like to know and all questions  and responses are welcome.

I hope everyone is having a great thanksgiving break and has happy holidays. Hopefully I could get another post out before Christmas. Right now this cub is off to work. Hope everyone is well! Take care!

~Be Breezy!~

Coming Out

Today is a very special day. A day we as the LGBT community come together to celebrate a wonderful time in each other's lives. A very wonderful and personal point in time for us all. This day we pay tribute to on October 11 is called National coming out day.

A lot of straight people think this is kind of irrelevent, but they don't understand the importance of coming out. Coming out for anyone is a huge point in a person's life. It is a point in life where a person finds the courage to accept themselves for who they are and let the world know who they are. For LGBT people, this may include coming out as transgender, bisexual, lesbian, or in my case, gay. But coming out comes in different forms. For some people they may come out as a furry, or a gleek, or even an anime geek. Either way, acceptance is the key.

Another thing about coming out, It's something that never ends. We as different people are ALWAYS coming out. Most people will never know certain things about a person unless someone comes out and tells them. I am one of those people who breaks stereotypes pretty well, so with that, I'm constantly having to come out and tell people I'm gay. And of course with that comes with the second coming out as a gay cub. But just because people come out all the time doesn't make it any easier.

Coming out is never easy. Especially the first couple of times. My first time coming out was terrifying. I remember my heart racing and my head going light, and I didn't even do it in person! The first person I told was this butch lesbian who was soo sure I was gay, but I came out to her as bisexual. We weren't close or anything, I guess I just felt like she really couldn't overreact to me because me and her really weren't very different. But after her brought upon the coming out to one of my closest friends. Again, very terrified and hesitant, and still not even in person. I couldn't even get up the courage to do it over instant messaging, I did it through a MySpace email. My heart was racing all the way until he called me later that day and he said he didn't really care. From there, it didn't get much easier.

Sometimes people feel coming out is a lot easier after the first time. That wasn't entirely true for me... I came out to some of my closest friends as bisexual, which wasn't really the truth. It took me until my sophomore year in high school to gain up the courage to ever try coming out again. My next coming out was in a GSA where I was completely choked up and damn near ashamed to say it in front of people who barely knew me and were in the same situation!

From there came the last time I was ever scared of coming out, which was when I decided to come out in school. In this case, I was completely full of anxiety because I knew what I was going to do, just how when was I going to do it? I first told my activity bus driver and we talked for a while about it and I got a little more comfortable and then the next day I ended up just blurting it out at the end of class and everyone accepted it and moved on.

I cherish my coming out and am very proud of it. As should everyone else, which is why I put so much feeling into this day. This is our day to appreciate and reflect on these memories and share our stories in pride and victory. I hope this tradition continues and everyone celebrates the true meaning of coming out. Happy national coming out day and thanks for reading! Feel free to share your stories or kik me or instagram me. Have a great night everyone!

~Be Breezy~

Insult or Culture

So this is something that just came across to me yesterday. It never really crossed my mind until it clicked with a teacher. Why is it that being called "gay" is seen as an insult? I understand it if you're firm in your answer and not wanting to be claimed as something your not, but why take offence? Should I take offence for you taking offence? After all, I am gay, so if you're taking being gay as a bad thing, then I should be insulted for claiming I'm a bad thing.

This kind of also ties in with my last post, "The Power Of Slurs" because of the negative power given to the word "gay". Gay is seen as such a bad thing because of its supposed conflict with the bible. Everyone has heard it before: "In the bible it clearly states that a man shall not lie with another man." But I have heard contrary! From different priests and ministers, I've heard how the bible was written so long ago that it couldn't have been talking about homosexuality because it wasn't even acknowledged back then.

What brought this to the light was my experience yesterday in my chemistry class my teacher was joking about how I laugh at everything and that I'm a very cheerful and happy person. And through the list of adjectives describing how happy and cheerful I was, my friend brought out the adjective gay. Now, I am out in school and I couldn't care less that he called me gay; everyone had known anyways and if they didn't, they were bound to find out sooner or later. Furthermore, he made it very clear that he meant gay in the sense of being happy, so I really didn't care, actually I laughed at the irony of it.

The problem occurred when my teacher questioned it... He gave the look a person would give of why did you just say/do that to my friend and questioned why he would say that as if my friend was calling me gay in an ironic offensive way. Now I am in now way offended or mad at what my teacher did because he was doing what he felt was right and protected the word in its culture.

The problem crossed my mind that he fought against my friend because he assumed the word "gay" was an insult. Gay is not nor should be portrayed in an offensive way. It is a culture of love, not a slang slur that you can use to demean others. After acknowledging this epiphany, I kind of feel offended! It's just like the situation when someone calls a situation gay because it does not go in their favor.

Society gave the word "gay" to the homosexuals because we were portrayed as overly happy. Which I am ok, because I am a very happy person and that is not an insult at any standpoint. It is now when society is starting to coin gay as being stupid and therefore calling me stupid in a certain circumstance. That's where I start feeling a little offended.

I am in no way unhappy about being gay. I love my attraction towards men and don't see how it can be used as an insult as it is just another form of love. It's just like being called a faggot. Now that society has linked the word faggot with the word gay, why should I feel offended for being something that I am; in its new meaning of course.

But maybe I'm being too sensitive about it... After all, some people don't get offended when you call an act of someone "niggerish" or "white". They are cultures as well, but they don't get quite offended. Maybe It's because they are accepted now. Maybe It's because we are still fighting through the hate and ignorance that surrounds our community that it is so focused on.

I'm not exactly sure why. So I open it up to my readers and society. Why is it that a culture that is formed completely of love and has the same morals as the straight community can be seen as an insult or an act of stupidity? I don't know if I beat society on this one, but I damn sure an on my way to beating it! Thanks for reading this cub's view on this. Please feel free to comment and add your thoughts, I am always happy to hear. Have a great day everyone!

~Be Breezy!~