Coming Out

Today is a very special day. A day we as the LGBT community come together to celebrate a wonderful time in each other's lives. A very wonderful and personal point in time for us all. This day we pay tribute to on October 11 is called National coming out day.

A lot of straight people think this is kind of irrelevent, but they don't understand the importance of coming out. Coming out for anyone is a huge point in a person's life. It is a point in life where a person finds the courage to accept themselves for who they are and let the world know who they are. For LGBT people, this may include coming out as transgender, bisexual, lesbian, or in my case, gay. But coming out comes in different forms. For some people they may come out as a furry, or a gleek, or even an anime geek. Either way, acceptance is the key.

Another thing about coming out, It's something that never ends. We as different people are ALWAYS coming out. Most people will never know certain things about a person unless someone comes out and tells them. I am one of those people who breaks stereotypes pretty well, so with that, I'm constantly having to come out and tell people I'm gay. And of course with that comes with the second coming out as a gay cub. But just because people come out all the time doesn't make it any easier.

Coming out is never easy. Especially the first couple of times. My first time coming out was terrifying. I remember my heart racing and my head going light, and I didn't even do it in person! The first person I told was this butch lesbian who was soo sure I was gay, but I came out to her as bisexual. We weren't close or anything, I guess I just felt like she really couldn't overreact to me because me and her really weren't very different. But after her brought upon the coming out to one of my closest friends. Again, very terrified and hesitant, and still not even in person. I couldn't even get up the courage to do it over instant messaging, I did it through a MySpace email. My heart was racing all the way until he called me later that day and he said he didn't really care. From there, it didn't get much easier.

Sometimes people feel coming out is a lot easier after the first time. That wasn't entirely true for me... I came out to some of my closest friends as bisexual, which wasn't really the truth. It took me until my sophomore year in high school to gain up the courage to ever try coming out again. My next coming out was in a GSA where I was completely choked up and damn near ashamed to say it in front of people who barely knew me and were in the same situation!

From there came the last time I was ever scared of coming out, which was when I decided to come out in school. In this case, I was completely full of anxiety because I knew what I was going to do, just how when was I going to do it? I first told my activity bus driver and we talked for a while about it and I got a little more comfortable and then the next day I ended up just blurting it out at the end of class and everyone accepted it and moved on.

I cherish my coming out and am very proud of it. As should everyone else, which is why I put so much feeling into this day. This is our day to appreciate and reflect on these memories and share our stories in pride and victory. I hope this tradition continues and everyone celebrates the true meaning of coming out. Happy national coming out day and thanks for reading! Feel free to share your stories or kik me or instagram me. Have a great night everyone!

~Be Breezy~

How come he don't want me man...

Today's episode of Fresh Prince of Bel-Air actually really touched me this morning. Actually made me cry. I found it super ironic that that episode would come on today and it has never felt as powerful as it did today. I've seen it a thousand times and even knew the next part, but it still got me choked up.

The episode that was playing was the episode where his father comes back into Will's life and asks to be apart of it. Although I claim to hate my father on moalst occasions and  we don't really have a great, or even ok, relationship, I know who he is and he is here in my life. Most people don't have that. My sister never really had that, my cousin never really had that, and some of my closest friends never had that. Some were lucky enough to have a memory of who their dad was; some don't. Some are left wondering who or what their father was and the only knowledge of them they have is whatever bad comments the family makes about him. Most if not all of these deprived people are always left wondering: Why did he leave? When will he be back? Did I do something? Why doesn't he want me? And that was the part that hit me hard.

Ironically, today is my dad's birthday. And even more ironically, he's not here. But that's because him and my mom left for vacation. But this episode reminded me of how things might go when I come out to him. I actually felt the pain that some of these kids go through for a moment and it all just got to me. My dad has said since day one that if we were grown up to make the decision to be gay, then you were grown up to be on your own. He might even just walk out of my life forever. Not wanting to see me over holidays or my kids.

This is just something I can't understand. I ask myself "how could anyone just pack up and leave like that?" I think about it being related to adoption. When in a bad position, you want to give your kids a better life, so you try to give them away to a good family. But that's not what these people are doing. And I say these people because women do it too. These people are leaving their kid behind with one parent. Almost COMPLETELY making it harder for the child to have a good life. With two of them, they had two salaries or so. Now there's one, if that.

I saw Shark Tale again yesterday for the first time in a while. It hit me that Lenny, the vegetarian dolphin dressing shark, was gay. You had to read between the lines a little bit. It first hit me when he was laying on Oscar's(Will Smith) bed and essentially coming out to him. Lenny tells Oscar how he's never told anyone this, but he is a vegetarian. And it immediately all started coming together. How Lenny was scared to tell him because of ridicule, how he was scared to tell his dad because of fear of rejection, how he had a pretty flamboyant voice and acted a little flamboyant, and the clothing. It all just pointed to him being gay. At the end, he ends up telling his dad that he's a vegetarian and how he enjoys dressing like a dolphin and Oscar sticks up for him telling his dad that he should accept his son for who he is instead of trying to turn him into something he's not. And the father accepts him.

I actually thought about showing the movie to my dad in reference to that. I can't help but think why anyone would just leave someone's life just because of that small part of themselves. So I'm gay... So what? I'm also an entertainer, fashionista, hard worker, intelligent, etc. But you choose to focus on the part of me that really has nothing to do with you? You'd really disown me because the person I choose to marry might be a man? How shallow do you sound?

Like I said, me and my dad were never really close anyways, so if he chooses to walk out, I won't chase him. But will it hurt, yeah. Knowing he couldn't accept that little piece of me, sure. It'll hurt for a while. But it'll hurt him too. He'll have to go in through his life as one of those people who left his kids, but he'll be the kind that did it because of me. I won't ever have to wonder why he left either, which will provide me with closure.

Thanks for reading everyone. Big thumbs up to those parents who stuck it out for their kids through the hard times! Let us all remember to just love each other for who we are and never try to change anyone because you don't like a certain part of them. I hope everyone has a great day!

~be breezy~

Pride

Pride. The feeling of pleasure in one's own achievements. To feel proud of one's self. Today, I am missing the pride parade in New York City. While everyone one is out partaking in this celebration of who they are, I am staying home in the closet baby sitting and working. It really upsets me to be missing this celebration because we have even more to celebrate! The Defense of Marriage Act was named unconstitutional and marriage equality is now brought into California. So not only do we get the chance to celebrate who we are, we get to celebrate another step closer to true equality. But going to pride is a lot more than just a celebration to me. For me, it goes much deeper than that.

I am closeted at home. So I have no way of really being who I am. I can't walk around with rainbows on and throw myself out very flamboyantly. I can't scream out "I'm gay" and feel happy. I won't have that feeling of safety amongst my gay community. I won't have that feeling of community around me.

At the parade, I could hang out with my cousins and rejoice in celebration. I could wear my rainbow suspenders and bandana with pride. I can kiss another guy in pure happiness without having to fear anything. I can dance to all the music that's playing. I could feel safe amongst my gay family. I could mingle amongst more gay people and make some longtime friends.

For me, pride is an opportunity to be as flamboyant as I want and wear as many rainbows as I can without feeling self conscious. It is a place to feel like I belong somewhere. Out here, I don't have that feeling. I don't have many gay friends and I don't like wearing my rainbows all the time because I feel as though I'm throwing it out there. Pride is my opportunity to be proud if who I am, which isn't always easy to do.

I just recently started being able to admit that I like bears. Before, I thought it was something i had to hide. I was ashamed of it. I felt like I couldn't tell anyone because I wasn't ok with it... But now I have started taking pride into that part of me. I have learned that it was ok to like other bears and that there are others like me. This is something to celebrate. The ability to feel happy about who I am.

Over all, I hope everyone has a great time at the pride parade. I wish I could take part in the celebration, but things just didn't seem to work out in that way. Thanks for reading! Happy pride!

The Power Of Slurs

Slurs, we all know them. They are within every community and there is one for EVERY community. For the black community there's nigger, slave, "help", for Asians it might be chinks, for white people there's honkey, for straight people there's breeders, religious communities bible thumper, and for the LGBT community, there's dyke, tranny, and faggot.

These slurs were always used to demean and insult people. As a black person, when you were called a nigger, you were being referred to as lower class. You were dirt. It was something that would potentially start a fight.

Nowadays, the power to the word "nigger" has been taken away... To a certain degree. Now, people use the word constantly, but used in a different way. They may argue that their saying "nigga" and not "nigger" being that there is a difference. But today, there is, isn't there?

When someone says "nigga", they generally don't mean harm and only mean another word such as bro, or people. Black people have turned that slur, nigger, into and everyday word where not many are offended by it. When people say "nigger" it is often used as a joke or to start a fight because they are using it in the meaning of a lower class person and dirt.

This used to be a word that I would refrain from using. When I was younger, I saw the word as one thing, a slur. The word wasn't funny, and it didn't describe me. But since I have grown up, I have become more loose about the word. In fact, I find myself saying it often. Where had my feelings about this word disappeared to? What made them change? Power.

I realized that the word had changed. Thanks to time, this word hadn't meant shit. It was just another word that used to be something that it isn't anymore. Just like words such as bitch and hoe. Words like these don't mean a damn thing like they used to. You find girls saying it to each other all the time and now even hear men saying it. The words have been powered down and have now lost their meaning.

I bring this up because I have heard a lot of the word "faggot" lately. Faggot was and is a word to oppress gay people, but the true meaning is a bundle of sticks. Just like the word "nigger", it wasn't a good thing to be called. It meant you were lower class and different then everyone and deserved to be called something "other".

I hear it a lot more than I used to and it does come from friends. I've told them that I don't like the word and they catch themselves saying it around me and sometimes hate having to sensor themselves. I do get the occasional, "Why does it bother you so much, I'm not talking about being gay!" And I would always respond with the sane answer I would when it was nigger getting tossed around: "I hate the word because it was used to oppress the LGBT people and the power of a word like that has been used to kill many of our LGBT youth and I will NEVER be accepting of a word like that!"

I felt the same way about the word "nigga". I refused to be one of those people who through around that word like it was nothing when it was a word used to oppress many people before me and people in my background. But look at me now, using the word without as much of a second thought of how it made other people feel. Sometimes I feel ashamed about it, but should I? Time has done this.

I realized, I am not one of those people. I know what the word means and the history it has. I am not using it in the context of its history. I'm using it to show how time has changed. To show how accepting our world has become to use a word like that and be ok. Maybe It's time to do that with the word "faggot". And not only faggot, but other slurs like dyke, queen, lesbo, and homo too. And I can't forget our "T" for tranny.

Maybe that's exactly what our community needs. The power of these slurs to be removed. I grow tired of having to be annoyed with these word and fighting with my friends about why they should and shouldn't use them. There are people in our community who use these words with no problem, and maybe that's exactly what we need for our youth, so that they will no longer feel the oppression in this world. I hear gays with powerful voices use these words and notice how they never bat an eye. Calling each other fags, dykes, and homos in playful and accepting ways just to show how times have changed and how these words are only history that will soon be diminished, but never forgotten.

But is that the right thing to do with these words? Should we accept them? Maybe we should tear down these words and allow them never to be used. So that no one will ever feel their pain. No one will ever have to remember how they have been oppressed with those very same words and have it haunt them for the rest of their lives.

But then that brings controversy. People will fight and argue freedom of speech while others fight back saying that It's hate speech. People hate being censored, shit I should know. I have been cursing since I was in 6th grade and haven't stopped since. I hate having to watch what I say, because I have freedom of speech. Now I don't go around screaming "fuck you and fuck that and fuck this" in front of a group of kids, but I am growing as an adult and I should be able to speak my mind. But that only goes but so far.

I don't use my freedom of speech as hate speech, which is where the acceptance comes from. If people don't use these words in an oppressing matter, then it will be fine to use some of these words, depending on where you are and who you say it to of course. Just like the word nigger; as long as you don't have hateful intentions, you usually won't have a problem. Just as I feel it should be with other words sometimes.

But again, all this depends on the people you're around. I wouldn't advise you throwing these words around all the time because you feel they should be nothing because that's how you upset people. I don't really know how to feel about these words, so I open it up to everyone. How do you feel about these words? How do you feel they should be handled?

I think this gay cub has said enough for now. Society, I think I got you on this one. Have a great easter everyone and a great spring break to all the others!

~Be Breezy!~