GET ME OUT OF HERE!!!

I'm sick of being here I can't take it anymore! I feel like I'm wasting my time. Nothing here seems important. I could be out working or meeting new people or even working on music! I could be doing something productive to help get me closer to figuring out my future. What am I talking about? What Is this hell hole I speak of? I call it jail, but most others refer to it as high school.

I'm in my senior year of high school and I'm just done with it! There's nothing really going on. We're bot really doing anything where It's like we can't graduate or anything, so I guess that's what makes it seem like nothing. I'm not even there for long. I have to get up WAY too early to just go for two chore classes and two Bullshit classes. I probably wouldn't feel as bad about it if I had classes that I took a lot of interest in. In my previous years, I've taken all the music classes and now all I'm left with is piano which I've had three times. I would just like to leave and figure what I want to do for the rest of my life and be on my way!

Maybe if I had some people to really interact with, but I don't. Now I'm a big people person and can make friends anywhere, anyhow. The problem comes forth where I feel I can't connect with everyone. I like to be crazy and wild, but yet very mature and steady. I like to make dark jokes that go waayyy too far, but like civilized mature conversation. This explains why most of my friends lately have been older, I just connect with them better. They aren't caught up with kiddy drama or anything, just talk.

Most of the kids nowadays are so caught up in being ghetto and loud and other stupid shit. Otherwise, they are uppity and I just don't relate to them. Outside of school, I have a wider variety of people to talk to and meet, while in school, I'm stuck with what I got for 180 days...

I think if I had that group of friends I could connect and hang with, it wouldn't be so bad. I lost that group of friends when I became a junior and later a senior. All of my friends moved on to college and/or are doing their own thing. Meanwhile, I'm stuck here with the group of people I never really connected with and forced to deal with it. Now I'm stuck with all the annoying, immature athletes in my class and the whiney, uppity girls that surround them.

But that'd what I've got for now. I've just got to keep trucking until June and then I'm out of here! Thanks for reading and sorry this wasn't really a gay oriented post. The next one definetly will be. How everyone had a great day!

Bisexuality

This is a very hard topic to talk about. Why? Because it is something that is even hard for me to comprehend. I've held myself from starting this post from lack of knowledge or what exactly to say. But I thought to share my thoughts.

Bisexuality is the personal attraction of both genders instead of one like gay or straight. For me, as for most gay people, bisexuality was a stepping stone. It was easier to come out and say I'm bi, rather than I'm gay. This is because in the minds of those coming out, it let's you know that I'm still half normal. When I first started telling people, I was always telling them I'm bi because I was always scared to say gay. I figured that if they thought I still liked girls, they'd still like me. Of course, this poses many problems.

One of these problems, which isn't that bid a deal, is letting them know later down the line that you're not really bisexual, you're gay. The main problem this poses is the belief in bisexuality. Most people don't believe in bisexuality because most gay people just use it as a stepping stone. Or for straight people, it is used to explain experimentation. Which leaves the questioning person thinking, is there such thing? Can a person truelly be attracted to both sexes?

When I was younger, I pretty much knew that I hadn't felt anything towards girls. I was always watching gay porn and always found myself looking at guys. But when it came to me defining who I am, came along questions. At first I was definite, but every now and then I find myself questioning the statement I am gay. I still only watch gay porn and find myself imagining about men, but women cross me as a phenomenon. I don't think of them sexually, just romantically. With men, I think of then sexually and romantically. So where does that leave me?

When first defining myself, I never get like bisexual described me. I always felt weird saying and even describing myself as bi, as if it didn't fit me. When I figured I was gay, it almost clicked. It still felt weird at first, but it felt heartwarming, homey. It gave me a feeling of peace for the second... But does that make it true? What if I'm interpreting that wrong? Maybe now I've just gotten so accustomed to saying I'm gay that anything else feels weird to describe me.

When first defining myself, I figured I was just like Ricky Martin. I was able to deter whether or not a woman was good-looking or even sexy, but when it came down to it, women were not for me. I work with this girl who I could potentially see myself dating... She's cute and we're always joking around, but is it just flirting? Or am I really feeling something towards her? When we sat down and talked, I think some of those feelings were starting to fade, but why? Where'd they go? I never have those feelings towards guys.

But what about in general? Can a person truelly love a woman just as equally as they love a man? Can it not just solely be based on sex? I honestly don't know. Especially since most of the people I know end up with a person of the opposite sex and/or end up saying they are attracted to the opposite side more. And girls don't make the arguments easier! They always go for these lebianic experiences and say they're gay or bi now, but then will turn around and say they're strictly dickly!

They're are soo many things that go against bisexuality that honestly puts everything and everyone against them. I hate it because It's pretty much shunning people who are truelly bisexual and telling them they are a lie. But those are the very same people who need to speak up and tell their stories. But I open this up to all you readers. What do you think about bisexuality? Do you think It's real? Why and why not? Let me know cause I'd honestly like to hear some input. Hope everyone had a great weekend. It's back to work and school for me tomorrow. Have a great week everyone!

~Be Breezy~

Coming Out

Today is a very special day. A day we as the LGBT community come together to celebrate a wonderful time in each other's lives. A very wonderful and personal point in time for us all. This day we pay tribute to on October 11 is called National coming out day.

A lot of straight people think this is kind of irrelevent, but they don't understand the importance of coming out. Coming out for anyone is a huge point in a person's life. It is a point in life where a person finds the courage to accept themselves for who they are and let the world know who they are. For LGBT people, this may include coming out as transgender, bisexual, lesbian, or in my case, gay. But coming out comes in different forms. For some people they may come out as a furry, or a gleek, or even an anime geek. Either way, acceptance is the key.

Another thing about coming out, It's something that never ends. We as different people are ALWAYS coming out. Most people will never know certain things about a person unless someone comes out and tells them. I am one of those people who breaks stereotypes pretty well, so with that, I'm constantly having to come out and tell people I'm gay. And of course with that comes with the second coming out as a gay cub. But just because people come out all the time doesn't make it any easier.

Coming out is never easy. Especially the first couple of times. My first time coming out was terrifying. I remember my heart racing and my head going light, and I didn't even do it in person! The first person I told was this butch lesbian who was soo sure I was gay, but I came out to her as bisexual. We weren't close or anything, I guess I just felt like she really couldn't overreact to me because me and her really weren't very different. But after her brought upon the coming out to one of my closest friends. Again, very terrified and hesitant, and still not even in person. I couldn't even get up the courage to do it over instant messaging, I did it through a MySpace email. My heart was racing all the way until he called me later that day and he said he didn't really care. From there, it didn't get much easier.

Sometimes people feel coming out is a lot easier after the first time. That wasn't entirely true for me... I came out to some of my closest friends as bisexual, which wasn't really the truth. It took me until my sophomore year in high school to gain up the courage to ever try coming out again. My next coming out was in a GSA where I was completely choked up and damn near ashamed to say it in front of people who barely knew me and were in the same situation!

From there came the last time I was ever scared of coming out, which was when I decided to come out in school. In this case, I was completely full of anxiety because I knew what I was going to do, just how when was I going to do it? I first told my activity bus driver and we talked for a while about it and I got a little more comfortable and then the next day I ended up just blurting it out at the end of class and everyone accepted it and moved on.

I cherish my coming out and am very proud of it. As should everyone else, which is why I put so much feeling into this day. This is our day to appreciate and reflect on these memories and share our stories in pride and victory. I hope this tradition continues and everyone celebrates the true meaning of coming out. Happy national coming out day and thanks for reading! Feel free to share your stories or kik me or instagram me. Have a great night everyone!

~Be Breezy~