Isn't It Sad?

Isn't it sad that what you're doing to me is what generally drives people to drink? Or even worse to be alcoholics? Let's dose it up a bit and bring up how long this has been going on and how often you do it? With the way those drug addicts talk, you would have potentially drove me to smoke; maybe not even stop there. I could have smoked weed and not given a shit about anything. Eventually throw my life all away and give into the temptation of Marijuana to "get away from everything," but no, I haven't done any of that.

Day after day, you blame me for everything that's going wrong. First, the problem was the broken relationship between you and your sister. Then it was your problems at work. Then it was my brother is incredibly quiet. Now it is me and my brother don't give a shit about anyone but ourselves and my being gay is tearing this family apart.

Let's get some things straight here. . . I'm not. Cliché to say, but it's fucking true. I had nothing to do with the lack of communication between you and your sister. YOUR sister decided to "out" me on that fucking cruise! She had nothing to do with MY business because I never included her in it, but she did it anyways. SHE ruined that fucking trip for you, and then YOU didn't want to talk to her because of the awkwardness and simply because it was none of her DAMN business.

YOU made that fucking decision. You two are fucking 50+ years old! If you want to talk to your sister, give her a mother fucking call. YOU are the reason why you didn't talk to her. If you didn't want to talk to her about me, then don't. Simple as that. Fucking immature ass problem, and for what? Because you're uncomfortable?  Well don't fucking look at me because she started that shit.

Next, you want to fucking blame me for your problems at work? Fuck that. I don't go to your fucking job. I function a state away. Two, if you take a different route! How the fuck am I compromising your coworkers behaviors? They don't fucking know me! If your coworkers - who mind you, work under you - disrespect you or you don't like how they are with you, fix it. That, again, had NOTHING to do with me.

Here's something else that had nothing to do with me! My brother is quiet? When the fuck hasn't he been?! Everytime there is a family gathering, is he not inside? Whenever we go to our cousin's house, does he not always just stay upstairs? If he doesn't want to talk, then he doesn't talk. He's a fucking big boy. He's 18, if he had something to say, trust me, he'd fucking say it. I did not somehow shut him up because of my homosexuality. I told him when I was 13, and you had NO fucking idea of a difference from then, so obviously, it has nothing to do with me.

Now, we come back from a weekend trip and we don't make a phone call because we're 18 and didn't know had to check in Everytime something happens, and we don't give a shit about anyone but ourselves and my being gay is ruining everything. For one thing, I understand that we haven't called all weekend or anything, but we're not fucking kids. If something went wrong, trust me, we'd let you know. We're 18, we do not need to call you for every little thing. If you had told us that you would have liked us to call you once we got there or got home, that would have been something different, but you didn't.

The main problem here is you don't communicate anything. We have NEVER done that. All of a sudden, we're just supposed to know that this is now a thing? No. If you want us to do sonething, ask and we'll execute it as best as we can, but until you do so, shut the fuck up.

Two, my being gay didn't ruin anything. You two are the ONLY two people who have EVER reacted badly to my being gay. If I "so-called" "ruined" our relationship, how come it was this easy to break and why were you two the ONLY ones who I am "ruining" this for? It's YOUR ignorant assess that continuously harass me and question me day in and day out, telling me "I'm wrong," and "I make everyone around me feel uncomfortable." Then don't be around me.

Frankly, I don't want either of you around me. After the constant harassment, lectures, and the not listening to me, why would I? So you can hurt my feelings more? To break my heart? Or maybe to threaten my relationship with my boyfriend? Or how about try to change me from who I am?

You refuse to listen to me, so why bother? My silence could be a sign that you're not worth the fight. I'm afraid that if I sang a song, you wouldn't hear it. I'm at the point where I don't even want to sing because this song is as tired as your ignorant comments. I don't know how your parents did it, but frankly, it doesn't matter. You can't not be a part of my social life for 18 years and then decide to jump in when things get interesting. Nope, sorry, that's now how things go in my line.

But that's just it. After 18 years, NOW you want to be and part of my social life? You claim that you want to have more conversations and stuff to become closer and create dialogue, but why didn't you do that two weeks beforehand? Or why don't you do it to my brother? I get it, because they're not "broken". So what happens after I "get fixed"? Do things go back to normal, because then that somehow does not sound like you wanted to become closer to me; that sounds like you wanted to make things go your way and then go back to where you were. Sorry, but you're either a part of my life, or you're not, and right now, you're not putting yourself in a good position to be a part of it.

It's truly sad. Sad to see that my parents, the people who love me no matter what, would rather have me gone than live with me because I'm gay. I have never done drugs, don't drink alcohol, I get good grades, people love me, but the one small thing about me you choose to let define me. For 18 years, who I dated or slept with had been completely irrelevant, but now it is.

You tell me not to lie to you, but all you want are lies. You say not to follow the crowd because all they are are flies. You say that we're family, but that's what kept me blind. You think you mean something to me? All you are to me is wasted time. Isn't it sad?

~Be Breezy~

Dear Mom and Dad

I apologize in advance for whatever mess this may turn out to be. I don't really know what I'm writing, I just felt like I was overwhelmed with my feelings and I didn't want to annoy anyone. It hurts to think that I would be annoying someone. I mean after all, they may not say it, but they really are. This is just me putting how I feel out there.

Dear Mom and Dad,
Thank you. Thank you for building me into the person I am today. Throughout all the stories and with my studies now, I'm sure I would've turned out to be an incredibly shy person, but I'm not. I mean, I get scared of bigger groups, but overall I'm not shy. However, that was because of you. Because you guys always pushed me to go talk to someone and made sure I got an answer that I do that today. Whenever my friends or someone is too nervous to ask something, I ask it. I don't care because if it was something I needed, I'm going to get it. I wasn't going to not get it if I had the opportunity to get it.

With this small lesson, I learned to make connections and make it far in what I do. I now have people who recognize me all over the county because I was never afraid to talk. I went out and I met people. I asked then their names, had a conversation, and left a footprint. It baffles me that many of my friends don't act in this same aspect, but I realize that it was because of you. I never would have been able to meet as many people and make as many connections as I have without that lesson, so for that, I thank you.

Dear Mom and Dad,
Thank you for the morals you have provided me with. I admit, back when I was taking those beatings, I was incredibly upset with you, but I realize the reasoning behind them. I find myself joking with my friends how I'd beat my kids with the same mentality. Obviously not physically abuse them, but pop them in the mouth when they say something they shouldn't have and "whoop they ass" if they did something they know they shouldn't have. When you beat me for not going to school, I understand, education is important. When we broke something, you probably told us not to play with something and we did it anyways, so ergo, my bad! When you beat us for attempting to steal some hallmark cards when we were 4, I get it, stealing's not cool! All those experiences made me into who I am today.

Those experiences along with whatever we came across gave me morals. I learned to address people by sir and ma'am and by their last names. I learned how to firmly shake someone's hand and how to be delicate as I shake a woman's hand. I learned how to keep myself presentable and be a strong individual, all throughout living my life by you guys. Those morals make people stop and acknowledge me. People want to get to know me and hear my story because of that mentality. People hold me with utmost respect and nothing less because with those first couple words of proper communication, you'd better match up or you'll look like an asshole. So for that, mom and dad, I thank you.

Dear Mom and Dad,
I thank you for the adventures that you have brought for me to experience. They were some of my favorite memories. I know we didn't always have the money, but you took us anyways and it was always worth it. Adventures like coney island, and universal studios, or MGM studios, and hurricane harbor were experiences that I could never forget. Driving in the race car with Tommy from Rugrats was one of the first memories I had! It's something I will hold near and dear to my heart for the rest of my life.

Or how about our trips to Florida or Myrtle Beach? Those were awesome! Despite the massive amount of sunburn and getting incredibly dark, I wouldn't have rather spent it any other way. Getting to have our own room in Myrtle Beach with my cousins and getting to do our own thing was incredible! Getting henna tattoos and hanging out on the beach and finally going parasailing was a once in a lifetime ordeal, one in which I can say I experienced, and for that, I thank you.

Dear Mom and Dad,
I want to thank you for my independence. All my life I had been doing things on my own, for the most part. I remember crossing the street by myself before I even knew how to spell your first names! One of my friends wasn't allowed to cross the street by himself until we were in middle school! I completely baffled me because of that was something I carried out independently for years at that point in time.

Same goes for most of the other aspects. I had been walking everywhere I needed to go since middle school. Let me just inform the world that I live in the middle of what city folk would call nothing, and we had to hike to get anywhere; it was a fucking journey, but I took myself anywhere I needed to be. I never had to wait on my parents because generally they didn't want to take us anyways, so we would have to depend on our own two legs to get us to and from. That little spark of independence led us to continue doing things on our own without having to ask for my parents help, especially after we got jobs and started driving.

This in turn, reflected in my school work and everything I did. I was always wanting to work by myself. I just found it easier and more convenient. I always knew what I wanted to do and how I was going to do it and I didn't have to argue or explain anything to anyone! With my initiative to do everything and my independence to do it in my own, I became capable of running things without being watched, therefore, being able to run things as a leader. I have run events and been a speaker for certain programs all because of my ability to independently take charge. So for that mom and dad, I thank you.

Dear Mom and Dad,
I'm sorry. I'm sorry for the attitude I may carry at times. I heard a song recently and one of the lines were "I come off a little rude, cause I got everything to lose." A line has never represented me so closely. I honestly feel that way in everything I do, and I get frustrated because I don't have much time so I don't need it to be ruined or wasted. I've got too much going on. Two jobs and school and whatever else comes my way! I don't need any extra frustrations and when I receive them, they completely infuriate me. Another thing I carry with me in everything I do.

Most of all Dear Mom and Dad,
I'm sorry I'm not the son you expected to have or wanted to have. By that, of course I mean a gay one. I wish I could say I wished I wasn't gay so that maybe we would be on better terms. Maybe when I came home, I wouldn't feel this fiery hatred I feel burning inside me every time I hear your voice. Maybe I wouldn't mind being home. Maybe I wouldn't compare being home to being in a prison cell when what's being held captive is who I really am. Maybe I could be the athlete you always wanted me to be; making shots from the foul point line and crossing over every opponent that came my way. Or maybe catching that long pass across the field and darting through the end zone scoring a touchdown. Maybe I wouldn't make you feel like you failed as parents and that I am treading down a horrible path.

I wish I could say that, but I can't. I'd be lying, and if I'd learned anything from watching Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, it was one mustn't tell lies. Realizing and accepting my homosexuality has been the best thing that has ever happened to me. In this process, I learned to be honest with myself, but not only to be honest, but to love myself. I remember knowing what I was feeling wasn't normal and I would test myself almost everyday with online tests that would tell me if I were gay or not. Whenever the results told me I was gay, which was about half of the time, I remember hating myself for it. I remember playing sad music and sitting downstairs hoping I'd freeze the gay out of me. I had never felt so alone and misunderstood. The only connection I had was with my music teacher who I was too scared to even talk to. But not anymore.

I learned that it was okay to be me. After a while, I became okay with all aspects of me. I remember walking into a forest and this man told me there was nothing being myself. I learned to embrace those stereotypes and flamboyant moments to make me a better and stronger person. I wasn't going to wallow in not being straight. I was going to make being gay work for me. I learned I am who I am, and I can't change it. My dark skin, I was going to have to get accustomed to it because it wasn't going anywhere. My weight, can't do a heck a lot more. My chubby cheeks and big lips, that as well. The fact that I like older, hairer, and chubbier guys, thats right at the top! Most importantly, I learned that we are all unique and beautiful in our own ways.

I learned that not everyone is going to like me, and I'm okay with that. If someone didn't like me, as rare as that was, it generally wasn't because I was gay, and if it was, we probably weren't going to be friends anyways! I learned who were my real friends and who were only around for the good times. Whoever was really my friend wasn't going to change when I came out, and if you acted funny, we weren't going to be friends for too much longer. Not everyone can be my friend; we all have different interests, and that's okay.

In being gay, I found love. My entire life I had been looking for someone to be affectionate with. To hold, kiss, annoy, cuddle, etc. I could never find that in women. I never cared to. I was already never really attracted to them, so I never wanted to do anything else! I began to fall head over heels for guys like never before until I found the love of my life. The way he makes me feel is never one that a girl could make me feel. He is incredible. He can make me smile, cry, angry, laugh, annoyed, and estatic. He is just truly someone who I wouldn't want to bare a thought without.

I'm sorry that I can't give that up. I'm sorry, but I won't give that up. I'm sorry that you don't choose to understand. I'm sorry that this is something you don't want to accept. I'm mainly sorry because that means you are no longer someone I can continue being around.

Dear Mom and Dad,
I'm sorry I learned what true family is. Family is someone who loves and supports you no matter what. Someone who wants to be in your life and accepts your faults. Someone who wants you to be happy and successful above all else. Someone who is not necessarily blood, but they love you as if they were attached by the waist. Someone who would only do things in your best interest. Someone who tries to understand what you're going through and listens.

Dear Mom and Dad,
I'm sorry that means you don't fall into that category. I'm sorry you can't accept me for who I am. Having to create lectures upon lectures with me to tell me I'm wrong for what I'm thinking. You want to change me at any cost. Even If that meant spending money. You would keep me confined in the house under your supervision to make sure I turn out Ike you. You'd take away the person I love most to make sure that I didn't turn out this way.

This does not make me want to keep you around. These attributes are only pushing me away. I understand that you don't accept, but understand that I am happy the way things have been and I will not let anything stand in the way of that. I will not want to keep around someone who is constantly telling me I am wrong and won't even give me a chance. I will not have someone who is going to down talk my relationship for the rest of my life. I will not have someone who is going to bring that around my future kids. Like I said before, I'm sorry I figured out what family really is, and I'm even more sorry to say that so far, that does not include you.

Dear Mom and Dad,
Above all else, I've wanted nothing from your but for you to listen and try to understand. I never said you had to accept it, or really understand, just that you respect the fact that I'm going to lead my life openly and happily, and I'm sorry if that may include writing you guys out of my family tree.

Please won't you just see the error in your ways, Dear Mom and Dad.

~Be Breezy~

Family Matters

I really do not want to get up and grab my psychology book, but I'm pretty sure that this title is a pragmatism in language, meaning that this phrase can be interpreted in two different ways. One way it can be interpreted is that family is important and will always mean something. The other interpretation is a situation that involves family, exclusively. Now, I addressed this to not only prove my consumption of information in my major, but also to make this clear that this post is about both. I decided it was time that I finally let out and gather my thoughts about how I truly feel about this family matter and how much this family matters. Hopefully my thoughts won't be too wild and hopefully everything stays pretty organized. I guess the best way to do this is to start from the very beginning. So without further ado, sound your trumpets, because King Kaseem is here to invoke the message!

As you may have read in a previous post, I met my boyfriend 6 months ago and we had dated all through the summer. It being the summer meant that I had a lot of free time. It was the summer of my graduation, of course I wanted to have fun! This was the summer that I believed was going to be the best because I didn't have to go back to high school and I was starting a new life elsewhere. Little did I know at that point in time that I wouldn't be attending WVU, but I did my best to enjoy the summer.

On top of it being the summer that I graduated, this was my first summer in a relationship. For that matter, it was my first time being in a relationship! Naturally, this would mean I was going to have a summer jam-packed with all sorts of events!  I was constantly going on dates and going to the movies and laying about, alongside working of course. Every day was another day to be filled with adventure, of course, unless my parents had anything to say about it.

All summer, my parents had been fighting me on going out at every possible chance. If I went out on monday, then it was a problem that I went out on wednesday. If I went out wednesday, then I didn't need to to go out for the rest of the week and into the following! This came across to me and any other person abstract because after all, I'm a teenager! For Christ's sake, all teenagers go out! All of them want to go do things in there free tine! Why would I want to stay at home and do nothing all day? That doesn't even make sense!

After the summer began to wind down, me and my family were just topping off our summer vacation with a cruise to the along the Mexican islands. During this trip, I had a great time. All the food we could eat, different sights every day, and some wild excursions from time to time. However, the trip did have its shortcomings when it came to excitement outside of the excursions. My brothers, cousins, and I were constantly looking for things to pass the time by, which was incredibly irritating. However, it was fun to spend some time with my brothers and cousins, for we are all hilarious together. And that's what this trip was about. We are the ones who all graduated from high school and we were celebrating it together as adults and away from our parents. Which in the end, led to an incredible change to my life.

During this trip, me and my brothers never spent time with my parents. We had never thought anything of it. We were old enough to do everything in our own and we paid for everything on our own! What could we possibly need them for? They did their grown up things and we did what we could in our age group. My dad made it very clear to us years ago that we can't have the same fun as them, so we let them have their fun just as we had ours.

We didn't do much with them because that just wasn't what we were used to. If they had asked, that would have been one thing, but they never did. They asked us for one night, which we gave to them, but beyond that, we did what we always did: our own thing. My family has never been the type to sit at the table together and have dinners or breakfast; it's just not something we did, ever. For this to all be a problem to my mother was a complete mystery to my brother and I because this had all been so natural to us, that it just seemed normal. We didn't have conversations with my dad because we just never have. Any time we did, it was a lecture, which we did not want to hear. Everything was exactly how it always had been, but to my mother, this was complete and utter disrespect.

When we arrived back home, she expressed to me and my brother exactly how she felt. Hurt, cheated, oucasted, all because we didn't call them or have dinner with them? I'm sorry, but we're not kids anymore. We are both in college and at that point I was a couple months from being 18, but we were still too old for that to be a legit excuse. We have far outgrown hanging out with our parents and wanting them to be with us. She knew this day was going to come and she cannot make the big stink that she is making about it now.

Sadly to say, this was still just the small part of the worst trip ever. During our cruise, whilst me and my brothers were on one side of Belize going zip lining, my aunt was on the other side of the island "outing" me to my mom. I hadn't even been there to stop it, but even worse, my aunt never even came to me to talk about it.

I didn't find out until the very next day when my cousins all told me, which at that point, it had already been too late. When we arrived back in the states, I asked my mom about it, and her response was nothing less than hateful. "How could you do this to us, we raised you better than this, just wait til your father finds out!" Etc. I quickly hushed her to hide it from my father, but when we arrived home, I never heard the end of it.

When we got home, my mom had this very long talk to me about how she felt. She let me know that she doesn't believe me and how hurt she feels and then the rest about how she felt about me and my brother. All I could tell her was that it was the truth and that we hadn't known what we were doing. But it didn't end there. Over the course of another two weeks, I proceeded to try to make my mother understand. I tried to let her in and be honest with her and tell her how I felt. I read my old blog posts to her, revealed to her my fears, and unmasked the love of my life. I wanted to let her know that I was tired of lying, and tired of hiding. I wanted her to know that if I were sure that they wouldn't have left me, I would have told them. I wanted her to understand what it meant to be gay and that it was nothing that what she had been made to believe. I wanted to let her know, above all else, that I was happy with my life. That I was gay and I was proud.

Unfortunately, she was not listening. She basically ignored everything I had said and focused one thing: herself. She turned it all about her and how it made things worse for her. She was complaining about how she doesn't have a relationship with her sister anymore, and how she's stressing because my dad doesn't know, and work, etc. ever since she found out, she had been badgering me and harassing me to admit it to my father that I was gay. Constantly, I tried to have conversations with her and tried to continue vein honest, which she responded with anger and more badgering. For those two months, I was panicking because I was in fear that she was going to tell my father herself and/or that my day to tell him was coming up. She would give me deadlines as to when to tell him and then tell me not to. I would be all worked up and ready, where she would tell me it wasn't the right time because he wasn't feeling well. One of these times, I remember we had a conversation through text, one that I could never forget.

My dad had just undergone his eye surgery and I figured it had been the perfect opportunity to tell him because for one he couldn't give me any judgemental looks, but he also couldn't cause any possible harm due to his handicap. I figured this was the safest way to go about this, but my mom did not agree. That night, I told my mom exactly how I had been feeling about what she had been doing. I told her she is stressing me out and she is hurting me. I let her know of how scared I was and that I was not ready, but she didn't care. She responded with "I don't care how you feel" and proceeded to give me a deadline to tell him. At this point in time, I had had it.

For months she had been blaming me for the disconnection between her and her sister. She had been blaming me for the stress she had been experiencing from work and my father. She had been blaming me for what she couldn't handle and I wasn't dealing with it anymore. At this point, I wanted almost nothing to do with her. I had nothing to do with any of that. Your SISTER caused the disconnection between you two! Your sister decided to run her mouth off to you about something she was not sure of and on top of that, had nothing to do with her. No matter what her state of consciousness was, she should be able to take responsibility for her own actions. If you can't control yourself after that many drinks, than you obviously so not need that many. If you can't be at least somewhat conscious while you are drunk, than you don't need to be drinking. When I'm drunk, I know what I'm doing and what I'm saying, And I'm only 17. If you can't do that by the age of 50, then you need to reevaluate your habits.

Before I proceed with the story, allow me to further discuss exactly my problem with my aunt. If you were drunk, why can't you admit that you were wrong? If you were truly not in the right state of mind, why do you feel the need to defend yourself and not apologize? Things would probably be a little better if she had apologized and admitted that she was wrong, but she didn't. She won't even acknowledge the fact that she did wrong, which does not sound like it was done unintentionally. The main thing is, it had nothing to do with you. No matter what you thought or what your position was, you had no right to out me. On top of that, how could you do that to someone, ESPECIALLY your nephew. You know what that's like, your own son is gay! You should know better than that, but you didn't care. And you don't care. So therefore, we have nothing more to say to each other.

After that night with my mom, approximately two weeks after that night, my mom again forced me to tell my dad and I had had it. I told her if it'll get her to leave me alone, than consider it done. After that night, our relationship was over. Just like my aunt, we had nothing left to say to each other. So what does this mean? Don't have a conversation with me. Don't try and Crack jokes around me because they are not welcome, and neither are your comments. From that point on, we are no longer friends. I don't want anything to do with you. What further frustrates me is both my aunt and my mother have this tendency to act like nothing happened.

About a month ago (from the present) my aunt calls and says hello and tells my mom that my brother and find I don't call her anymore. Let's get something straight. For one, we have NEVER called her to have a conversation with her. If we had ever called, it had to do with a conversation that needed to be had with my cousin. If we didn't call you before, then why the FUCK would I call you now?!  Number two, don't fucking say hello to me like there is nothing wrong between me and you. You ruined that fucking relationship about a month ago (when she outed me). My mom has the same problem. She continues to try and joke around with me and act like nothing happened. No. We don't have that relationship anymore. You don't care about how I feel, so by those odds, why do you care if I joke with you now? For two months, you had been rushing me and stressing me to tell him, so now we don't have that relationship anymore. If you have anything to talk to me about, you keep it short, sweet, and to the point. Other then that, stay the fuck away from me.

So that night, I ended up telling my dad, which if you have read my previous posts,  obviously did not turn out well. It was about a four and a half hour conversation of him basically telling me I am wrong for what I am feeling and him getting frustrated by the rebuttles that I had been making. I made it very clear at the beginning of the "conversation" that I did not want to influence him. I told him I don't want to make you change your mind or make you accept this, I'm just letting you know. By the fourth hour, I grew tired of his ignorance and decided to let him to talk out of his ass. But just when I thought that would be the end.

Two days from then, we have another conversation about the topic. In this "conversation," he agreed to allow me to ask questions that he would then answer, which in turn only frustrated me. By the end of this "conversation," he informed me that if I continued to see my boyfriend, he was going to call the cops. At this point, I was thoroughly disgusted. I didn't want anything to do with either of them. Everything that applied to one of them, pretty much applied to all of them. For almost three weeks, I hadn't said anything more to them than what they asked me.

I wanted to get even with them. I wanted to hurt them in a way that I would hope compare to the pain they bared on me, but it didn't even compare. What could possibly hurt more than being told that you are wrong, to break up with the love of your life, and to change you all in one hour? Especially by the people who are supposedly supposed to be your family and love you unconditionally, but that was not the case. I was blunt and very wort with them because I wanted them to realize that I was happy with what I was, and if they cannot accept that, then they couldn't see me. That happy go lucky guy that loves to laugh and shined brighter than the sun is proud of who he is and being gay is apart of that. All of my happiness and enthusiasm comes from my pride of me being who I am. If you take that away from me, then silence is what you get, because I refuse to hide me, but me can avoid you.

This did aggravate them, but only to mean another lecture on how being gay was wrong. My father proceeded to come up with more ignorant statements about what it meant to be gay, which I again refuted and again, ended in turmoil. What I got out of this conversation was that my method of staying silent and being blunt towards them was going to backfire. So I decided I'd just continue to be me and if they didn't like it, it was because I was gay. So what this meant was I could joke around with my mom again.

This created another problem for me. I didn't want to do that. I didn't want to have conversations again. I didn't want to let any of this go. How could I let up now? She'll think what she did is okay. She'll think it was just a phase that I just got over. I need her to know that that is not the case here.

I can't get passed that night. Those nights where she would constantly badger me of tell my mom, when she said she didn't care about how I felt and how she only cared about her own feelings, or how about when she didn't give my boyfriend the benefit of the doubt and allowed my father to make me break up with him. How could I ever just forgive that? Whenever I see her, all of that just comes back up, and no joke is able to repair that. For my father, the anger goes a little bit deeper.

My anger towards my father is a little bit different than my anger towards my mother. Me and my mother had a relationship that is now gone. So there I pain there from me. With my father, we already didn't have a great relationship, so all he was doing was pushing me further and further away. What aggravates me about them both is that they both insist that they know me, but if you look back, you really didn't, did you? My father whom has never had any part in my social life, now all of of a sudden wants to be apart of it because he thinks I'm corrupted because I'm gay. The only reason he would want to have conversations and talk now is because I'm gay. If I hadn't told him I was gay, he would have never wanted to have more conversations which in turn, would have left our relationship exactly where it is now: nowhere.

Who are you to tell me what's good for me? You don't even know me. You don't know what I like, my favorite color, or even my major. What makes you think you know what is going to make me happy? As a father, you can suggest, but you can't rule my life, and I don't intend to let you. What he is soon going to learn is that I was gay last year, I am gay this year. I was gay yesterday, and I am gay today. Chances are, I'm going to be gay tomorrow, and gay next year.

I don't know where exactly this entire situation will situate itself, but anywhere else has got to be considerably better than this now. As far as I know, this shit can't be pulled in the future. I will not stand for it. I will not hold myself back from certain things that will make me happy solely because they are ignorant and they do not agree. They have the opportunity to understand and accept this, or they can let me go and lose sight of what's really here. Yeah, we're family, but does family do this to each other? No. My real family accepts me for who I am in the hopes that I will be happy in the end. So let's just get one thing clear, I'm happy with who I am and where I am. If you don't like me, then we have nothing more to say to each other.

~Be Breezy~