This is gonna be another internal post. Probably not too long because I don't really know what everything is until I get it all out. I hate expressing myself generally because it feels like complaining. There are so many people out in the world that are doing better than me. I have a pool, a big house, air hockey, my own room, a piano, a smart phone, etc., and I have the nerve to complain? But that's also why I started this blog. To get my feelings out there instead of always bottling everything inside and creating more destruction in my mind and hopefully not, my heart. So onwards!
These types of mornings pass me by every once in a while. Those mornings of just defeat. Where you feel like nothing has been going right or anything you want to happen is happening. Then you look for things that have gone wrong and let them weigh on you. It might be just me, I doubt it though. I feel a little spoiled when thinking about it actually. Throwing a tantrum because I'm not getting my way. But what's causing this defeat?
I couldn't sleep last night because I was so tired and sore that I kept twisting and turning. Then on top of that, I kept craving cashews. So no sleep. Then I bought my mother flowers last night. Just to tell her I loved her. What happens? She isn't coming home today. So now the flowers might not look as good by the time she sees them. Next, my mom gives us a coupon for the China buffet and I wanna go out to eat. The bros can't/ font feel like going. Everytime I try to make plans, they never work out because of that, but when everybody else wants to make plans, I'ma dick or It's my fault if I don't follow through. Same with six flags, I'm the only one tryna make these plans telling everyone to take off and they got a billion and one things. Next, there's nothing for breakfast. I planned on eating a steak sandwich, but there was only enough bread to make one.
With all that stuff going on, the only thing that comes to mind is, nothing is going right. Along with the terrible morning, I'm reminded that it is pride weekend and I can't go. I have to stay home and work... Closeted. I can't wear my rainbow bandana or suspenders or even buy ne a new pair. All over Instagram people are celebrating who they are and I can't. If nothing could go right this morning, why couldn't I at least be able to go to that?
It's also P-town this weekend. And all I'm gonna see is the big bear gatherings on instagram. How I missed out on all the insta meet and greets. How I don't get to party and drink. How I missed out on creating a bromance or brocubs or even a husbear.
On top of that, I'm reminded that I'm single. That I'm lonely. My bros have their girlfriends this weekend. They can kiss and act all lovely dovey and text all day while I sit in lonely despair. I have no cuddle buddy this weekend or anybody to share my happiness in the end of doma. Everyone else has got plans except me. Everyone's got somebody... Except me.
So now I get to eat my breakfast all alone, while watching digimon and get ready for another shift at work when I could be preparing for pride or even a good dinner tonight. Sorry for the story of defeat this morning everyone. I hope at least you're having a good weekend. Thanks for reading. Happy pride everyone!
~Be Breezy~
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