All Things Happen For A Reason.

Hello everyone. Long time no talk. It has been a supremely long time since the last time I have posted and I do apologize for that. Frankly, I have been pretty scared to write. I have been feeling like I can't get my ideas out and when I can, my writing style just isn't what it used to be. It scared me to think that my writing had taken a turn for the worst, but then I came to this realization: this started as something for me.

This blog was created to help me get my ideas out. To allow me to look back and see how far I have come. In addition to that purpose, I have the ability to help others through shared ideas and sharing stories, but the main idea was for me to be able to see my problems and life laid out. I figured getting all my thoughts down in one concrete place allowed me to see it for what it truly was and evaluate it. And now, I get to look back on it.

It has been an amazing journey to look back on. In my time, I did a lot of complaining, crying, and ranting. I think back to when I started this blog as a 15 (turning 16) year old who was petrified of coming out to his parents, but was completely comfortable with himself. Maybe completely is a little advanced, but I think I was a bit ahead of the game for my age. I was out in high school, all my coworkers new, and frankly so did a couple of customers. I was thinking about moving away and being completely out and not in fear. Not worrying about anything getting back to my parents, etc. Just wishing for love to come my way.

Now, I'm 20, turning 21 in a couple of months. I live alone (more or less), am completely out of the closet, have had two relationships, about to get my bachelor's degree, and head off to grad school. Lately, this has all been incredibly surreal. To be this accomplished and this far ahead at my age! To know next year I will be moving into a bigger city, like I had wished for ages, to finish up my college career and start my big boy life. It makes looking back at my old self and old posts seem that much more significant to me.

Earlier today, this guy (my age) was messaging me on scruff. Being that he had no face in his profile, I assumed that he was not out if the closet. Most people don't respond to faceless profiles, but there is something about them that makes me want to. I guess it is the fact that I know that it means that they are not out of the closet and they might just be looking for someone go relate to them. Or just someone to talk or hang with. 7 times out ten they are just looking to hook up, but I always keep my eye open for that 30%. This guy happened to be part of that 30%.

As we were talking I he confirmed my suspicions that he had not been out of the closet and if he goes go East Stroudsburg University,  etc. In the midst of our conversation, we were talking about why he had not come out of the closet, yet. This young Hispanic man had the similar fears as I and many other gay people out there scared of coming out. My parents are religious. My parents will kick me out. My family will disown me. My friends won't like me anymore. Etc. Of course I talked him down, but this really hit home to me in this moment. It had really made me think. . .

I was explaining to him my coming out. Both of them. To my friends and to my family. Friends supported me and parents put me through hell. Forced me into moving out. Made me into the man I am today. The thing that really struck me was when I told him I had been outed. My aunt outed me while I was on the other side of the island. From there, my mother forced me to tell my dad. I told him, if I had it my own way, I would not have come out to them that soon. If my aunt had not have outed me, where would I be?

As furious as I was with my aunt, I guess I had never really thought about it that way. In some regard, she did me a favor. She ripped off the bandaid for me. I had went through about 5 months of hell on a day to day basis, but the scariest part was over. I knew what my parents were going to do and how they felt. There was no more ambiguity. No fear of the unknown. The most my parents could do was stop me from going out and lecture me all of the time. I feared my dad would kill me. Literally kill me. At that point, that fear was gone. It didn't make my life that much easier, but I knew what to expect! I began to mentally adapt myself for each lecture, but that was the most they were going to do.

If my aunt had not outed me, I couldn't say that I would have had the same amount of fun or have been as successful. I had a plan that I would not come out to them until I was done with school. Therefore, I wouldn't have any living expenses and I could just save all of my money. I would have never moved out, I probably would have been pledged a fraternity, I would probably have bought a brand new car like my brothers, I would not have lasted as long as I did with my ex, and I would have never dated my second ex. Without that experience, I would have never developed my interest in HIV. I may not have picked clinical psychology as my path for the future. I definitely would not be working at Rainbow Mountain, I would have stayed at Giant. I never would have met all if the people I have up to this point. I would have never met this guy that means the world to me right now. I wouldn't be as close to my friends. I wouldn't know how to cook as much. Or budget. I would not have my place.

I would probably still be that lonely kid who watched bear movies and gay storylines on YouTube. I would most likely be that guy attached to his Instagram, following all of the other gay guys and living vicariously through them. I would still be alone. I would still feel alone. I would still want to leave home. I would still live every day of my life in fear of the unknown. I would still live my life getting aggravated because I just want to be me, but I'm scared that my parents wouldn't like me anymore. I am so thankful that that is not the case.

Coming out is something that is unique to each person. There is no rush to it. It is not a race. A person should come out when it is most convenient to them and when they aren't in any danger. And when they do, no matter how it happens, I promise the weight that is lofted off of your shoulders is astronomical. Sometimes I still can't believe it. I never would have imagined that my life would be like this. I never worked at a gay resort. Shit, I had never even been to one! Not to mention a gay, nudist campground!

In closing, everything happens for a reason. It may not work out the way we had hoped it would from the start, but I promise you it will all work out. Just live your life in a "good vibes only" manner and I promise you the good times will follow right after.

~Be Breezy!~

All Things Happen For A Reason.

Hello everyone. Long time no talk. It has been a supremely long time since the last time I have posted and I do apologize for that. Frankly, I have been pretty scared to write. I have been feeling like I can't get my ideas out and when I can, my writing style just isn't what it used to be. It scared me to think that my writing had taken a turn for the worst, but then I came to this realization: this started as something for me.

This blog was created to help me get my ideas out. To allow me to look back and see how far I have come. In addition to that purpose, I have the ability to help others through shared ideas and sharing stories, but the main idea was for me to be able to see my problems and life laid out. I figured getting all my thoughts down in one concrete place allowed me to see it for what it truly was and evaluate it. And now, I get to look back on it.

It has been an amazing journey to look back on. In my time, I did a lot of complaining, crying, and ranting. I think back to when I started this blog as a 15 (turning 16) year old who was petrified of coming out to his parents, but was completely comfortable with himself. Maybe completely is a little advanced, but I think I was a bit ahead of the game for my age. I was out in high school, all my coworkers new, and frankly so did a couple of customers. I was thinking about moving away and being completely out and not in fear. Not worrying about anything getting back to my parents, etc. Just wishing for love to come my way.

Now, I'm 20, turning 21 in a couple of months. I live alone (more or less), am completely out of the closet, have had two relationships, about to get my bachelor's degree, and head off to grad school. Lately, this has all been incredibly surreal. To be this accomplished and this far ahead at my age! To know next year I will be moving into a bigger city, like I had wished for ages, to finish up my college career and start my big boy life. It makes looking back at my old self and old posts seem that much more significant to me.

Earlier today, this guy (my age) was messaging me on scruff. Being that he had no face in his profile, I assumed that he was not out if the closet. Most people don't respond to faceless profiles, but there is something about them that makes me want to. I guess it is the fact that I know that it means that they are not out of the closet and they might just be looking for someone go relate to them. Or just someone to talk or hang with. 7 times out ten they are just looking to hook up, but I always keep my eye open for that 30%. This guy happened to be part of that 30%.

As we were talking I he confirmed my suspicions that he had not been out of the closet and if he goes go East Stroudsburg University,  etc. In the midst of our conversation, we were talking about why he had not come out of the closet, yet. This young Hispanic man had the similar fears as I and many other gay people out there scared of coming out. My parents are religious. My parents will kick me out. My family will disown me. My friends won't like me anymore. Etc. Of course I talked him down, but this really hit home to me in this moment. It had really made me think. . .

I was explaining to him my coming out. Both of them. To my friends and to my family. Friends supported me and parents put me through hell. Forced me into moving out. Made me into the man I am today. The thing that really struck me was when I told him I had been outed. My aunt outed me while I was on the other side of the island. From there, my mother forced me to tell my dad. I told him, if I had it my own way, I would not have come out to them that soon. If my aunt had not have outed me, where would I be?

As furious as I was with my aunt, I guess I had never really thought about it that way. In some regard, she did me a favor. She ripped off the bandaid for me. I had went through about 5 months of hell on a day to day basis, but the scariest part was over. I knew what my parents were going to do and how they felt. There was no more ambiguity. No fear of the unknown. The most my parents could do was stop me from going out and lecture me all of the time. I feared my dad would kill me. Literally kill me. At that point, that fear was gone. It didn't make my life that much easier, but I knew what to expect! I began to mentally adapt myself for each lecture, but that was the most they were going to do.

If my aunt had not outed me, I couldn't say that I would have had the same amount of fun or have been as successful. I had a plan that I would not come out to them until I was done with school. Therefore, I wouldn't have any living expenses and I could just save all of my money. I would have never moved out, I probably would have been pledged a fraternity, I would probably have bought a brand new car like my brothers, I would not have lasted as long as I did with my ex, and I would have never dated my second ex. Without that experience, I would have never developed my interest in HIV. I may not have picked clinical psychology as my path for the future. I definitely would not be working at Rainbow Mountain, I would have stayed at Giant. I never would have met all if the people I have up to this point. I would have never met this guy that means the world to me right now. I wouldn't be as close to my friends. I wouldn't know how to cook as much. Or budget. I would not have my place.

I would probably still be that lonely kid who watched bear movies and gay storylines on YouTube. I would most likely be that guy attached to his Instagram, following all of the other gay guys and living vicariously through them. I would still be alone. I would still feel alone. I would still want to leave home. I would still live every day of my life in fear of the unknown. I would still live my life getting aggravated because I just want to be me, but I'm scared that my parents wouldn't like me anymore. I am so thankful that that is not the case.

Coming out is something that is unique to each person. There is no rush to it. It is not a race. A person should come out when it is most convenient to them and when they aren't in any danger. And when they do, no matter how it happens, I promise the weight that is lofted off of your shoulders is astronomical. Sometimes I still can't believe it. I never would have imagined that my life would be like this. I never worked at a gay resort. Shit, I had never even been to one! Not to mention a gay, nudist campground!

In closing, everything happens for a reason. It may not work out the way we had hoped it would from the start, but I promise you it will all work out. Just live your life in a "good vibes only" manner and I promise you the good times will follow right after.

~Be Breezy!~

Love Not Lust?

Okay, so this whole morning, I have been indulging myself in videos and other blogs based on open relationships. (Okay, maybe some porn surfing on tumblr, too) This idea has been floating around in my head ever since I broke up with my first boyfriend, I believe. I don't even think I was fully aware of it up until that point, which shocks me because I've seen the BearCity movies about a hundred times and it features open relationships and polyamorous relationships. For the sake of my own sanity and for not offending anyone, I think I am going to split my post on this. Originally, I thought this post was going to include the ideals of monogamy, open relationships, and polyamory, but somehow it just does not feel right anymore. I guess down this path of unwinding thoughts and bottled up feelings, I will figure out my answer. Sit up straight class, and pay attention! Professor Parsley's class is in session. (I can't wait for that to be a reality!)

Ever since I have broken up with my first boyfriend, I feel like my world has expanded three times over. This baffles me. I used to think I was extremely well versed and I guess understood the workings of most things, when in fact I remained ignorant. I knew of a lot of things, but I never really knew to what extent they functioned or even how they functioned or even moreso, what they actually mean.

In my research, online and in person, I've learned that quite a few people indulge in open relationships. This passed summer, I started working at a gay resort called Rainbow Mountain, and this was the best experience I've ever had. Granted, there were definitely some times that made me want to blow the place up, but overall a good experience and I couldn't imagine where my head would be if I hadn't started working there. I don't think I would be as developed or far along as I would have been if I hadn't worked there. I say that because this was the first time I have ever been fully surrounded by other gay people on a constant basis and it had definitely taught me things. It was also a huge confidence booster, but mainly taught me things.

I think in my time there, I have seen more open relationships than I have seen closed. I was constantly being introduced to couples, obviously more couples than singles, and I would come to the realization that they were open due to their tendencies inside and out of the main building where I checked them in. For every one closed relationship I met, I probably met three or four open relationships. Even now, this still astounds me. I think what I question most of all, is why that still astounds me and what does this mean for me.

Obviously, the main reason as to why it astounds me is because I was raised with a different ideal, as I'm sure everyone else was, too. However, it goes beyond that for me. When I was first coming to accept my homosexuality, I would watch gay weddings, marriage proposals, and a channel called Gay Family Values where I would watch a family with two fathers raise their children and tackle topics of everyday life. In all of these videos, nothing led me to believe that anything else was possible, which was very ignorant and naive of me to think. In those videos, I think I pushed myself to see myself in those representations of gay people. Marrying one man, having kids, a pup(dog), and living happily ever after. In those videos, I never saw anything else possible, which at the time, I was okay with. I think I knew, for the most part, that ultimately this was what I wanted.

In those videos, the idea of open relationships were never brought up. In that same instance, looking back I think they were almost frowned upon. But now, it makes me wonder if that were entirely true. All of those videos focused on being "proper" gays and setting a representation for gay people and standing up for rights. They were always talking about what we all ultimately wanted and that was equality and the ability to love without fear. That being said, why would I believe that they were in open relationships or that they could even exist?

Now I know that that isn't entirely true. Not all gay people want the same thing. Just as straight people don't. Not every women wants to get married and have kids. Some people are perfectly content with being single, or having a relationship and a puppy. Point is, we are all different and we all have different levels of satisfaction. And that is okay.

As for why it still may astound me? I don't exactly know. I think because I still hold onto those ideals from when I was younger. Part of me has more hope to see a relationship that stands strong in monogamy. Not to mean that other couples that are open aren't strong, but to stand out amongst the crowd in my belief makes you strong. When I see these cute couples, even though part of me wants to play with them, the other part wants to just hang with them and watch their love grow together. I think I saw that for the first time a couple of weeks ago.

On New Years Eve, there was a big Rainbow Mountain dinner. The restaurant was insane. The front desk (where I work) was even crazier. Aside from all the madness, there was an older couple who checked in and we're SUPER nice; their clothes even matched! After they sat for dinner, the one gentleman walks out of the restaurant in such distress and turns to me for conversation. In the midst of me being busy, I caught his distress and attempted to comfort him. He tells me that he is ready to propose to his boyfriend. At this moment, every bit of stress left me and I just gave him a big teary eyed hug. At this moment, not only was I happy for this man and his boyfriend, but I developed such a hope that that could be me one day. Proposing to one man and us tackling life together. And only together. Like I said, after all of the open relationships I had seen, this shocked me.

What does this mean for me? It may complicate things in a sense. Or it might simplify them. This means clarifying what exactly I want to do in a relationship. It means that I may have to be prepared to have that conversation someday. In some ways, this is good. Having an open relationship does open the door to further conversations. I believe that the only way for open relationships, among all other ones, only prosper due to healthy conversations. I would hope that a lot more of these couples have a healthy channel of communication. One that does not seem healthy is the "don't ask don't tell" method.

I could never see that format working for me. I would want to know who my partner is playing with and that he's being safe about it. I know two couples that follow this method, and it astounds me that they're still together. One seems to bash his partner for being "prudish" so he won't tell him things. In the other, one partner had contracted HIV, didn't tell his partner (or possibly didn't know) had sex with his partner, and he contracted it. The partner whom I knew (whom contracted it second) believed he contracted it from his husband. Again, absolutely astounds me.

I would never like to be in a relationship like these. Granted, they are still together and they work, but I would want to be open with my partner. If he didn't want to do it or I didn't, I would expect the other to accept that and not bash the other. If we were open, I would expect us to lay down ground rules and be open about what's happened. That's what this would mean for me.

Being in a relationship is difficult sometimes. I could never describe it as work. It is more of an art that you must provide constant attention to and practice. Being in an open relationship could be even more difficult because more conversations and adjustments must be had. For me, I don't know if I could be in an open relationship. It takes the right guy I guess.

The Hunt For A Gay Best Friend

When I was 16, which feels like YEARS ago, I began this blog to document who I was and how I was feeling. My posts reflected my fay to day interactions with people and their ignorance, my parents and their ignorance, and my internal struggles with love and loneliness. In one of my first posts, I wrote about community and how it can effect people. I also wrote another post talking about the public's right to know if you're gay, to help create community. Recently, those posts have been racing through my mind constantly.

As most of you know, I no longer struggle with a life without love. I have been in a relationship for almost a year and a half, and I couldn't be happier. I have someone to love, kiss, hold, cuddle, etc. But that's not all I want. What I would like is to have that group of friends where we share that common feature: being gay.

About a week ago (cue song and dance) I was talking to Kyle, the boyfriend, about making other gay friends. We have friends that consist of my brother and our mutual best friend, and two of his clients. I also have my friends, who I admit I rarely ever get to see these days, that I made through my previous job that I love very much, but from this point of view, it just doesn't seem the same. The problem is I won't know until I actually have another gay friend. One with similar interests and that I can just hang out with.

I told him that I had created a scruff, gay app, to meet other gay people. He made a joke about it the night before I made one, so it had actually got me thinking. Those apps aren't solely for dating! People go on there all the time just to meet different people! Granted there are a lot of guys on there who just want to have sex and date, but there are people on there that just want to meet other gay guys to hang around. Unfortunately, I deleted it because I felt that Kyle wasn't approving of it and felt some type of way, whether he wanted to admit to it or not. I felt guilty about it from the start because I knew that that's how a lot of other gay guys just found hook ups. Sadly, that's what most of the guys on there were looking for; if it wasn't about dick, then you weren't it.

But if that's the case, how's another gay guy to meet another gay guy with similar interests? I wish I could say I could just go to clubs or the bars, but I haven't reached that stage in my life yet. I thought being 18 was going to be fucking great! I could get into clubs, go to strip clubs, I'm a legal age, etc. NOPE. I can smoke and that's it for the most part. Nowadays, night life prefers people to be 21 to enter so they don't need to worry about illegal alcohol consumption. JUST. MY. LUCK.

I wish I could say that I could just walk up to people and have a conversation, but even that's just not as easy anymore. For one thing, it's hard enough to even find out if someone is gay! Sometimes you get a very accurate guess, however, that is all it is - a guess. What if you're wrong?  Then what? Awkward pause and then pray to God that you can play that shit the fuck off! Then you've just got a wierd story to tell everytime you see the guy.

I even really suck with picking out if someone is gay! I couldn't tell my coworker was gay until he said and then when he did, it all can into perspective! Sometimes just looking for stereotypes isn't the trick. Most people can't determine if I'm gay because I don't follow a lot of those stereotypes. I don't have a high pitched voice, the gay lisp, walk with a strut, dress any different than any other guy, or talk with my hands. I actually put on a gay front, if you will, to actually give people an incite that I'm gay. I act very over the top excited, say phrases like "Hey girl, hey!" To everyone, and say things like "hair flip" or quote Beyonce. Sometimes I'll even wear my pride bracelet to let people in a bigger incite incase they don't catch those hints.

I don't hide any of those features because I think about how it would affect me if I saw another guy doing that. My stomach would drop due to excitement, my heart would lunge for the connection, and my brain would scramble due to the series of interactions that occur. I would be overly estatic if I seen that because that would mean another opportunity to meet someone else like me, more so because I actually enjoy being like that. I would hope that even if they weren't out of the closet, they could find trust in me to have that conversation with me and I pick up on it. After all, that's all I ever wanted growing up.

What makes me most upset, is the fact that I have seen a generous amount of gay people lately, of course while I'm at work, and they're just so rude. They may not even be rude, but they are just outright sassy, and don't care. It's as if they give me that same look our entire community has been given just for being gay. It's almost like a look of "I don't have time for you or your silly questions or gaymes. I figured it out by myself, so can you." I know that look because I've seen it in my boyfriend. I know that look because at one point I had given it in one way or another.

What ever happened to being there for each other? What happened to just stopping for a moment and talking? Why does it seem so impossible to build a relationship with someone else so like you, but easier to dismiss them because you don't want to be bothered? Probably two weeks ago, I was at work where I see this guy every couple of nights and my "gaydar" goes off. He was a cute cub. he looked like a really cool and sweet genuine guy. Minutes later, I see him at the deli counter ordering and holding his boyfriend. Briefly, I see them share a kiss. It warmed my heart to see because naturally I feel like I'm the only gay guy for miles. But I know I'm not because my boyfriend is with me, making us the only two gay guys for miles, which can be very challenging for me at times because it makes me feel as though all eyes are on us and it makes me feel a little vulnerable. 
After they are done at the deli, they walk into the produce department, my department. At this point, my heart is racing. I'm ties between just not saying anything at all because I'm afraid of the rejection and how wierd it may come off, or being genuine and telling them how I really felt about it. What actually scared me was the thought of them being how my boyfriend would react if someone had complimented us. One time (what?! Another story while telling another one? Yeah, I'm trying something new.) me and Kyle were walking down the Jersey shore boardwalk hand in hand and another guy broke away from his group of friends and came over to tell us that we were the cutest couple and that he was happy for us. I genuinely said thank you and told him how much I appreciated it, but was kind of cut off by my boyfriend giving him a brief "uh-huh, thanks" and kept moving. Kyle solely thought the guy was just being a dick, but I thought the better of him.

It even happened while we were on vacation that another guy came over to talk to us just because we were gay and he wanted to express that it didn't matter and that his brother was gay. Kyle acted a little more genuine and continued talking, but he still wasn't very approving of what went on. He absolutely hates it when people just talk to us to give us their verification, as if we need it. However, I enjoy it. It shows me that the world is changing. Not all of us actually get to see it. He works in a profession that is very gay friendly - I do not. As of right now, I work in a grocery store in the produce department; no one is expecting me to be gay. I don't get to see the friendlier side of people with that all the time. Most of the time, I get the crazy older generation complain about us. It's nice to hear other straight people go out of their way to compliment us, because it is truly a compliment.

Back to the original story, I decided that I want to tell the couple how I felt about their kiss. I thought of it in my own shoes, I enjoy hearing that and it warms my heart, who's to say that they won't feel the same way? The cute cub did. As soon as I started talking, he cut me off and said "uh-huh, thanks." I had gotten halfway through the sentence to where I had saw the kiss and I thought it was cute and he just brushed me off and kept walking. He hardly acknowledged me; part of me thinks that he was half scared of what I was going to say so he just darted off because he didn't want to hear anything bad, but that would be me thinking the better of people. I know why he walked away.

That gave him a very bad look in my book. What is so bad about just accepting a compliment and building upon that? Honestly, it made him seem very sassy and rude, which is what I'm sure those people thought of Kyle whenever he dismissed them like that. Sad thing is he doesn't care, and neither do other guys who do this. They don't care how it comes off or what it does. I think about those repercussions and take them very seriously, mainly because they do not do us justice.

What they do is reinforce a stereotype. They reinforce the idea that we are very sassy and rude. That we believe ourselves to be above everyone and are uppity. That we don't want anything to do with the rest of the world unless it benefits us. I don't want to be looked at that way, and I certainly don't want to be referred to in that manner. Main thing is, he never even got to truly hear what I had to say, and now, he probably never will. He may not have known that I was gay, too, but would it have mattered if I was? To me, it should.

I believe you should want to make connections with people who share your community. Why not build and form a friendship? Some strong sensibility that makes us as gay people stronger. Who wouldn't want that? The black community does. That's why they formed together to create their own channel, their own movements, their own traditions. The 99 percent does. That's why they create their own marches, speeches, and outreach programs. The art community. That's why they have art shows, art sales, and contests. Why shouldn't we follow that example? More so, why shouldn't we branch out that community to our straight allies? They are who's votes truly mean a lot. They are our friends, our family, our neighbors, and our government. Why wouldn't you want to give them the opportunity to see who we truly are? Some people may not think a lot of this, but I do. And I think it's important.

I'm still on the hunt for a gay best friend. Someone just to hang out with. Go get dinner, work out with, be athletic with, etc.  I would prefer someone who was a part of the bear community as well, but being a part of the gay community is just as good. With this post, please remember that every interaction leaves a mark. Let's not leave a bad one.

~Be Breezy ~

Insult or Culture

So this is something that just came across to me yesterday. It never really crossed my mind until it clicked with a teacher. Why is it that being called "gay" is seen as an insult? I understand it if you're firm in your answer and not wanting to be claimed as something your not, but why take offence? Should I take offence for you taking offence? After all, I am gay, so if you're taking being gay as a bad thing, then I should be insulted for claiming I'm a bad thing.

This kind of also ties in with my last post, "The Power Of Slurs" because of the negative power given to the word "gay". Gay is seen as such a bad thing because of its supposed conflict with the bible. Everyone has heard it before: "In the bible it clearly states that a man shall not lie with another man." But I have heard contrary! From different priests and ministers, I've heard how the bible was written so long ago that it couldn't have been talking about homosexuality because it wasn't even acknowledged back then.

What brought this to the light was my experience yesterday in my chemistry class my teacher was joking about how I laugh at everything and that I'm a very cheerful and happy person. And through the list of adjectives describing how happy and cheerful I was, my friend brought out the adjective gay. Now, I am out in school and I couldn't care less that he called me gay; everyone had known anyways and if they didn't, they were bound to find out sooner or later. Furthermore, he made it very clear that he meant gay in the sense of being happy, so I really didn't care, actually I laughed at the irony of it.

The problem occurred when my teacher questioned it... He gave the look a person would give of why did you just say/do that to my friend and questioned why he would say that as if my friend was calling me gay in an ironic offensive way. Now I am in now way offended or mad at what my teacher did because he was doing what he felt was right and protected the word in its culture.

The problem crossed my mind that he fought against my friend because he assumed the word "gay" was an insult. Gay is not nor should be portrayed in an offensive way. It is a culture of love, not a slang slur that you can use to demean others. After acknowledging this epiphany, I kind of feel offended! It's just like the situation when someone calls a situation gay because it does not go in their favor.

Society gave the word "gay" to the homosexuals because we were portrayed as overly happy. Which I am ok, because I am a very happy person and that is not an insult at any standpoint. It is now when society is starting to coin gay as being stupid and therefore calling me stupid in a certain circumstance. That's where I start feeling a little offended.

I am in no way unhappy about being gay. I love my attraction towards men and don't see how it can be used as an insult as it is just another form of love. It's just like being called a faggot. Now that society has linked the word faggot with the word gay, why should I feel offended for being something that I am; in its new meaning of course.

But maybe I'm being too sensitive about it... After all, some people don't get offended when you call an act of someone "niggerish" or "white". They are cultures as well, but they don't get quite offended. Maybe It's because they are accepted now. Maybe It's because we are still fighting through the hate and ignorance that surrounds our community that it is so focused on.

I'm not exactly sure why. So I open it up to my readers and society. Why is it that a culture that is formed completely of love and has the same morals as the straight community can be seen as an insult or an act of stupidity? I don't know if I beat society on this one, but I damn sure an on my way to beating it! Thanks for reading this cub's view on this. Please feel free to comment and add your thoughts, I am always happy to hear. Have a great day everyone!

~Be Breezy!~