Flamboyance vs. Ignorance

Sorry about my last post being so personal. It was just something I really needed to get out and acknowledge in a format as such I did. But without further ado, the topic of flamboyance!

This is something that overly irritates me. And It's not the flamboyant guys, It's the ignorant people around them. This first came up because of this kid in my school. So this kid in my school is VERY flamboyant. This guy dies it and he does it well! *insert snaps here* he wears heels to school and leggings and the tightest of jeans. He wears the cut off shirts, long hair to be flipped with attitude, make up to keep him looking fierce, and tops it off with a bag that he struts down the hallways with as if they were runways.

This guy is obviously gay, and with that, very flamboyant. People are not too fond of this. People have everything to say about him wearing all of this make up and girl's clothing, but never to his face. I'm glad they don't say it to his face or anything, I'd hate for him to get hurt, cause I would be the first there to defend him! Not that he couldn't defend himself, I'm sure he carries around his own pocket sized bottle if mace in his bag.

All jokes aside, I asked him one day where does he get his strength to do this and what goes through his mind when he puts this stuff in. He told me, " The only thing that goes through my mind is if I look good!" He said no one bugs him so he doesn't care. I'm glad that he finds the strength to be him and sees nothing wrong with it.

As for the people around him, they should be ashamed. Every so often in class, my group of friends in the back have something to say about what he's wearing or how he acts. They always say stuff like how he looks ridiculous and how they hates gays like that. The part that annoyed me the most was when they said, "I couldn't be friends with someone like that." They would always end with I'm fine with gays like you and indigo, but when they start acting like that, I can't.

I was completely furious! I was completely stupified! But I can't wait for the next time someone says it. Because what if that were me. Would they simply disown me as a friend just because of what I'm wearing on the outside? Are they seriously that shallow? What if I was the same exact person on the inside? They would never even give me a chance solely because I chose to dress that way.

I feel bad for the men that feel more comfortable expressing themselves in this manner. All they receive is ill-made judgements and never really get a fair chance at life just because they don't "fit" society's definition if his a man should be. They may never be given a fair shot because no one will even acknowledge their presence in public.

As young children, we are taught that it is the inside that is important, not the outside. So why not carry that aspect here? Because you are scared of what people will think? What will they say?! You were talking to that gay guy, so you must be gay. Oh, they going to jail now! All jokes aside, fuck that! All you have to do is say no and move the fuck on! After you have made your point, It's over. If they choose to further the conversation with you being gay, then they might have a few issues or secrets of their own to be focusing so much on that aspect.

It's just like how things were before Martin Luther King Jr. came upon his activism. How if you were seen associating with a black person, you were trash too. Well, if most people haven't noticed, we're in 2013. We don't discriminate in that manner anymore. Plus, dressing like that does nkt even necessarily even make you gay! Look at prince and Michael Jackson! Stop being so judgmental on how people are on the outside and worry about yourself.

Society has really put a bind on these people. It has really left people scared to be themselves, but no longer shall I stand for it. Next time I hear someone make ignorant comments such as those I heard that day, the commenters will feel very ashamed at the end of it. Society, you've just been challenged, and this gay cub is ready to rumble! Bring on round 2!!!

~Be Breezy!~

Crushes

Crushes. We all have them. I remember being a little kid in elementary school and everyone gave out little notes to their crushes and would hold hands. Friends would converse about who they were crushing on and so on.

I always hated getting crushes. I am a very loving and heartft person and I fall hard sometimes so it never really leaves me feeling good. I always felt I experienced the true mean of crushing. In elementary school I crushed on three girls, shockingly, but nothing serious. It was more forced upon if anything, but all they ended up being was crushes and left me feeling crushed. They all knew, of course that's how it works when you're young, and none of them reciprocated my feelings so I was left crushless.

The next time I really crushed on another peer was in my freshman year. I was just figuring out that I was gay, and at the time I was out to very little of my friends and hardly myself, but as a bisexual. In my first semester I crushed in this straight cub in my last block class. Like I said, I crush hard so I thought about this kid night and day and all through the day. I would day dream about how the perfect relationship between the two of us would be like and the amazing times we would have.

I usually have this experience with all of the guys I crush on. I gas it up in my head and fill my head up with all these fantasies getting myself more attached even though I know it isn't going to happen. Then, of course, leads to my soft-hearted ass left hurt. It never manages to fail. But I can't help it, never being in a real loving relationship, I can't help but fantasize about it.

And that's why I hate having a crush on a guy. It ALWAYS turns out to be on some guy I can't be with because of some circumstance. The guy I crushed on freshman year, both of them, both straight. Crushed on one of my closest friends my sophomore year, straight and a good friend. And lastly, which I always seem to get, crushes on teachers.

I have two teachers this semester who just so happen to really fit the "bear" persona and I can't help it as a gay cub to be attracted to it. My chemistry teacher is short, white, short brown hair, brown beard, really cute blue eyes, and a big belly. I have the biggest crush on him just because of his bear persona! It also doesn't help that he's funny and kind too. I can't help but watch his small little round body girate across the classroom and hope for the occasion where he wears a small shirt and lifts up his arms and I can sneak a peak at his belly.

Another teacher is my photography teacher. He's a cute young cub with a big belly, short dirty blonde beard and hair, nice green eyes, short stocky stature, and a soft voice. Sadly, he doesn't wear shirts that are never tucked in so I doubt I'll get to sneak a peak at his belly or his back.

But with all these crushes comes the unrealistic fantasies that will never happen and only leave me feeling lonely. And with that, it makes it a little awkward to be around them because they don't see me in the same view and I can only focus on their cuteness. Which is why I hate crushes. They only remind me of how lonely I am and how I yearn for affection.

That's all for tonight, thanks for reading. Hope everyone enjoyed their day without a big struggle from society.
~Be Breezy!~

Insult or Culture

So this is something that just came across to me yesterday. It never really crossed my mind until it clicked with a teacher. Why is it that being called "gay" is seen as an insult? I understand it if you're firm in your answer and not wanting to be claimed as something your not, but why take offence? Should I take offence for you taking offence? After all, I am gay, so if you're taking being gay as a bad thing, then I should be insulted for claiming I'm a bad thing.

This kind of also ties in with my last post, "The Power Of Slurs" because of the negative power given to the word "gay". Gay is seen as such a bad thing because of its supposed conflict with the bible. Everyone has heard it before: "In the bible it clearly states that a man shall not lie with another man." But I have heard contrary! From different priests and ministers, I've heard how the bible was written so long ago that it couldn't have been talking about homosexuality because it wasn't even acknowledged back then.

What brought this to the light was my experience yesterday in my chemistry class my teacher was joking about how I laugh at everything and that I'm a very cheerful and happy person. And through the list of adjectives describing how happy and cheerful I was, my friend brought out the adjective gay. Now, I am out in school and I couldn't care less that he called me gay; everyone had known anyways and if they didn't, they were bound to find out sooner or later. Furthermore, he made it very clear that he meant gay in the sense of being happy, so I really didn't care, actually I laughed at the irony of it.

The problem occurred when my teacher questioned it... He gave the look a person would give of why did you just say/do that to my friend and questioned why he would say that as if my friend was calling me gay in an ironic offensive way. Now I am in now way offended or mad at what my teacher did because he was doing what he felt was right and protected the word in its culture.

The problem crossed my mind that he fought against my friend because he assumed the word "gay" was an insult. Gay is not nor should be portrayed in an offensive way. It is a culture of love, not a slang slur that you can use to demean others. After acknowledging this epiphany, I kind of feel offended! It's just like the situation when someone calls a situation gay because it does not go in their favor.

Society gave the word "gay" to the homosexuals because we were portrayed as overly happy. Which I am ok, because I am a very happy person and that is not an insult at any standpoint. It is now when society is starting to coin gay as being stupid and therefore calling me stupid in a certain circumstance. That's where I start feeling a little offended.

I am in no way unhappy about being gay. I love my attraction towards men and don't see how it can be used as an insult as it is just another form of love. It's just like being called a faggot. Now that society has linked the word faggot with the word gay, why should I feel offended for being something that I am; in its new meaning of course.

But maybe I'm being too sensitive about it... After all, some people don't get offended when you call an act of someone "niggerish" or "white". They are cultures as well, but they don't get quite offended. Maybe It's because they are accepted now. Maybe It's because we are still fighting through the hate and ignorance that surrounds our community that it is so focused on.

I'm not exactly sure why. So I open it up to my readers and society. Why is it that a culture that is formed completely of love and has the same morals as the straight community can be seen as an insult or an act of stupidity? I don't know if I beat society on this one, but I damn sure an on my way to beating it! Thanks for reading this cub's view on this. Please feel free to comment and add your thoughts, I am always happy to hear. Have a great day everyone!

~Be Breezy!~

I'm Mr. Lonely

I hate this feeling. The feeling of being alone. Of the jealousy that burns behind my outer doors of emotions. Of feeling unloved...

Being in high school, you never escape the conversation of love, relationships, or crushes. That is the main topic of conversation, and it always has been. Life pretty much revolves around your love life. If you're in a long term relationship, you make decisions for "us", everything might be done for "we" and has be okay with both of us.

If you're in a relationship that just started, usually the world will revolve around it in conversation. You will want to talk about the new relationship, you will hear people say " Oh, you guys are so cute!" And have people asking how the relationship is. You share stories, they share stories, you vent, they vent; the word keeps spinning.

Lastly, but usually always forgotten, the singles. You would think that being single, your world wouldn't revolve around relationships... Unless you are newly single. When single, all you ever see and notice are other couples, the love notes being passed, the rumors getting spread, and how many lonely nights you face. People in relationships conversate with you about relationships, generally theirs, and they don't give a second thought about how you may be feeling about it.

That's what I mean by forgotten, that and being left with no plans because your "friend" decided to make plans over yours and go out with their partner and expect you to be ok. *annoyed face here* I can't say that that situation has happened to me a lot, but its happened. The part about people conversing about relationships to me knowing I've been single pretty much my whole damn life and not considering my feelings happens all the time. I know people can't read my mind and It's hard to read people when they put on a front, but some things are kind of common sense. A gay teenager who just came out about a year ago and has never had a real relationship has GOT to be lonely, of at least feel lonely. And all I want is someone to consider those odds and maybe just offer a little comfort. They don't need to know I'm lonely, but just a little kind reminder that I'll find someone. Usually, I have to remind myself that.

But I can't blame myself for feeling lonely. I haven't dated anyone since last year. And that was a girl! I've never dated a guy, so that true relationship feeling for me, has never been there. I used to talk to a guy, I mean talk, but that was not since the end of '12 and it wasn't even serious. In my 16 years of life, I have yet to feel like my love has been reciprocated in a loving relationship. And after a while, it starts to add up.

This was part of my movement into coming out. I am a very loving person and I wear my heart on my sleeves, so love is a big thing for me. When I was 13 and in my freshman year of high school, my loneliness was catching up to me. My grades were dropping in all my classes, my attitude towards people really started turning, and I got in trouble for snapping at teachers constantly. I was tired of the feeling by sophomore year, so I was urged to come out, as it may help me in my journey to find love. It didn't, but it helped some other parts of me. With my coming out, I did get a few messages from a few guys, but none were boyfriend material or even my type.

People say I'm picky, but I think I just know what I want. I generally like what is called a bear/cub. These types of guys are hairier, chubbier, and a lot more cuddly than most other guys. I don't require that a guy be a cub, but It's always a plus.

I loathe for the touch of a man. The heavy warm touch that they bring. The fur covering his body. To stroke my hands through his short hair. Stroke his scruffy beard. I yearn for the moment when I can wrap my arms around a thick bellied cub with fur down his chest down to where the sun don't shine and just cuddle with him and rub his chest. To feel his muscle and his strong arms wrap around my waste or my neck as he kisses me passionately. To feel the little scruff of a mustache and beard when his lips touch mine. His big heavy hands running all over my body. The touch of a man is unforgettable, and for me seems unattainable.

I just want someone to hold and someone to hold me. I want somebody to cuddle with in the cold or during a movie or just in relaxation. I want someone to hold hands with and kiss in the corners of the stairwells and when we part ways. Someone to go on double dates and go to amusement parks with and always count on them to sit with me. Someone to allow me to ditch my "friend" because I thought they'd be fine. Someone to say I love you back to me and kiss me passionately. Give me tight hugs. Fight with. Tell me how if I were to live for 100 days, they'd only want to live til the second to last second of my life, so they wouldn't live a moment without me and have to worry about me living without them.

I just want a boyfriend. But until then, I must try to keep a smile on my face and in my heart and remain patient, for my time shall come. Thanks for listening!

~Be Breezy!~