Sometimes, I HATE being young. For one thing, it stops me from being allowed to be myself, stops me from doing certain things, and meeting certain people. I know you're supposed to enjoy the time being young, and trust me I do, but I could see myself having the same amount if not more enjoyment if I was just 5 years older (21). Even if I was two years (18) older, I would probably have more fun! I can't think of something other then living at home for free that I couldn't do if I were a little bit older that I would miss.
This all came up when I was looking at colleges. I was being a good student and looking for colleges that fit the job I wanted to pursue and the area I would like to reside in with my studies. All the credentials that fit the area I want usually fit around the concept of drinking(of course), dating, clubbing, and bear events. ALL of those things I wish I could do now... Shit, I wish I'd be able to do them by my sophomore year in college.
Drinking and clubbing fit in the same category really and those aren't really that big a deal, since I party and drink now. The main thing I'm excited about is dating and going to bear events. Like I said in a previous post, I have been pretty much single all my life and I would like the chance to get to date... And date a bear/cub at that!
With my age limitation, I can't really date a bear because I'm too young for them and I can't date a cub or even in general because I can't go anywhere to meet anyone! I can't use online sites because there are no good teen dating sites... ESPECIALLY not for gay cubs. I can't find any in school and It's not like I can go out to a club to fund one. And I can't use the awesome bear apps like scruff or growlr you gotta be 18 to join and I'm an illegal age for those guys anyways!
If I was 18, I could go out to a gay club or gat bar and meet other gay guys and maybe even cubs. What would give me an even bigger chance is joining scruff or growlr or one of the other bear apps, which I'll finally be able to do. I could even go to a bear event and be with my own community and meet guys.
I'm always watching videos on YouTube of what I'm missing out on. Searching Provincetown bears or TBRU and watching the bears dance and chat and catch the occasional kiss. Those bears and cubs get to have the time if their lives woofing at each other and rubbing against each big bellied bear, while I am to watch from my tablet screen and imagine my turn. They make me feel better to watch them. Reminding me that I'm not alone and that I'm not completely weird. Showing me what I'm missing out on and what I can loom forward to in the future. It's exciting.
I even took that into consideration for what college I picked. "Will I be able to attend a bear event from there?" "Are there any good bear events around that place?" Now I didn't revolve my whole search around the bear events, but it was a thought in mind. Every time I saw a college I really liked, I immediately would search bear events that happened in that area. I'm really hoping I can get into a college in NY, MA, or TX for some of those big bear events.
But for now, this cub is trapped in solitude and imagination until he's old enough to go out and experience his own bear experience. Stuck in school crushing on his bear teachers for the while. Imagining them lifting up their arms high enough that their shirts will get untucked and I can sneak a peek of their bellies and watch their ass move when they walk... *sigh* looks like society got me here. Thanks for listening!
~Be Breezy!~
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