Community

Community, that group of people with like minds that we all seek so we feel a little less judged. In a community, there are people who are generally in the same situation. Whether it is a neighborhood filled with houses that are similar in income situation and wants for being there, or in personality. The black community, Asian community, anime community, gay community, LGBT community, Facebook communities, or in my case, the bear community. The main important thing that is there for mostly every community, is acceptance. Something everyone deserves.

This is something that everyone deserves and should have, but sadly that's not how things are. I am in an area where there isn't much community for who I am. I feel like I am alone in this town and no one understands. I'm lacking that sense of community... That sense of acceptance.

The community that I take part in, or fall into, is the bear community. A bear is defined as a gay guy that is generally a little more masculine, a little on the heavier side, and very hairy. And sometimes even older, but I don't include that sometimes. Then with the bear comes a cub. Which is what I fall into. A cub is just a younger and more playful version of a bear. Also could be the more submissive in a bear/cub relationship, but not always.

This community is misjudged as a whole already, so I think to be without that sense of community there, times can be very lonely and very self judgmental. Bears and cubs are not really the "norm" when it comes to attraction and whenever it is brought up that a guy like that gets a person going, it usually makes the person on the other side get going on their merry way. They are sometimes shunned by their very own gay brothers. I always felt it was the hardest thing to come out as gay, but I was wrong.

I came out in school at the beginning of the second semester of my sophomore year in high school. I had so many struggles with who was gonna turn away and who would still be my friend and just change in general. But once I made that leap and found out there was nothing for me to fear, I noticed a new thing to fear. My second coming out. Not only do I like guys, but I don't like those skinny A-list gay guys that are over the top flamboyant and where make up and manscape. I like big burly men with hairy chests, a belly, and scruffy beards. I like my guys with some depth to them. I even like it when guys have love handles. So you see where my second closet door is.

And just like being gay, being a cub and liking bears is not something that is easy to take in. I remember when my bro found out that I liked bears... I was TERRIFIED!!! But just as he expected, I played it cool and brushed it off. But that doesn't escape me from the fear of everyone else knowing. I told one of my best friends for years about my attraction to bears maybe 4 years after I told him I was gay... And I did that over MySpace! It was like pulling teeth, and it was just as uncomfortable as coming out the first time. But I made the leap and now a couple of my closest friends know.
But again, that doesn't help me get it out. I've managed to get up the courage to like bear photos and follow bears on my instagram knowing that people can see that. But I still lie on occasion about what kind of guys I like. But it all comes from lack of acceptance, which can only be resolved (at least in my case) by community.

With community, I can converse with other bears and cubs and get myself to open up about my attraction and become more comfortable with myself. It can be so lonely being the only cub around and not getting to talk about it. And even worse, I don't want to talk about it even when people try and see because of the rejection that I'm scared of occurring. I'm afraid that people will be disgusted and give me a cold shoulder and never talk about anything gay ever again.

I long for the experience of a bear event. To be with a bunch of people who know me, have been me, who understand me. And I know people feel like this all the time. I just wish it didn't always take so long to fix.
So with this post, let us learn to stop judging people for who they are or what they like. And form one big community of love and acceptance. Thanks for listening!
~Be Breezy~