Locker Room Talk: One of the guys, or one of the girls?

Aaahhh the locker room. The place where everyone reflects on what just happened in gym and the new scoop in school. Now as guys, we love talking about sex. We don't do gossip as much, but got a story about who's getting smashed by who, and everyone's all ears. They may talk about how this girl did this and that in this position and how it felt and everyone laughs and gives the guy his props.

Now, I laugh and listen too, but with every locker room conversation brings to mind the reminder that I'm different. Not only do I feel a little awkward because I can't look at somebody for too long or else someone might say something, but I have to feel different and completely excluded from these conversations. In a big group of guys, of course they wanna talk about their sex lives and such, but of course only if they're straight stories.

This brings to the question that constantly plagues my mind: "Am I one of the guys, or one of the girls?" I always wondered why gay guys might get along with girls more than guys and I can kind of see why. The mutual "locker room talk" about guys. I can't have that conversation with another straight guy without one of us getting a little uncomfortable... And of course, the straight guy is a lot more uncomfortable than I am. With girls, we just pass back and forth which guy is cute or not.

Not only do I get along with girls on a sexual oriented level, but on a fashion level. I could go on for hours about what clothes to wear with what and what new clothing brand and so on. And I can be a little effeminate with it too without being totally judged. Or I could be masculine and still not be judged. With guys, they may not want to talk about it as much, or they may point out the femininity in my voice or something and judge me.

But I connect with guys on another level. I'm not a complete sports guy, but when It's time to play football, I can relate. We can relate on a physical level about certain body functions. They can help me cater to my masculine side without me having to worry about being too rough, and I like getting rough, so they don't have to worry either. (No pun intended)

But there is no great place for me in the locker room. I don't talk about girls, cause um... Yeah, GAY. And I can't get too personal with girls because they don't understand the whole bear/cub thing and that's where judgments get passed. No way to escape it either because it is everywhere... Barbershops, school, classes, gatherings, etc. And every experience can only remind on how I am different.

So am I one of the guys, or one of the girls? Feel free to answer if you have dealt and/or struggled with this. Thanks for listening.

~Be Breezy~